The Weight of Thoughts
Your thoughts are not reality, they are just thoughts.
How often do we get stuck in that place, though, trapped in the mire of our thoughts believing them to be real?
We create ourselves with our own imaginary worlds.
This is the weight, the gravity, and the importance of our thoughts.
Our thoughts, when we think them again and again and again, start to become beliefs.
These beliefs shape the lens through which we view the world, often looking for evidence to support what we’ve learned to believe about ourselves.
I’ve been guilty of this, particularly in my romantic relationships.
First, I’ve selected partners who – often – are emotionally or physically unavailable.
This inability on their part to choose me fully has confirmed a belief that I’ve had about myself that I am unlovable and not worthy of being chosen.
Secondly, when the relationship is, as it is destined, ended it again confirmed that belief about myself that I would never be fully loved, that there was something implicitly wrong with me that prevented me from being chosen.
It was a terrible cycle that was all self-created out of false beliefs that only existed within my mind.
I wrote my story of what I thought was possible based on what I believed was true of myself and acted accordingly in my selection of partners.
Every rejection, infidelity, lie, or disappointment experienced was a result of my own participation in creating that narrative.
When my last mentally and emotionally abusive relationship ended it became very clear to me that I was experiencing a pattern and that, while what I suffered at the hands of others was inexcusable, I had to accept responsibility for my role.
There was one common denominator in each of these relationships and that was me.
My negative thought cycle had trapped me in the belief that I wouldn’t be loved or chosen, so I dated people that affirmed this belief about myself.
This was a hard pill to swallow, my friend. That I alone was responsible for the pain and suffering experienced through my relationships through my choosing.
Once I recognized my role, friend, I could start making the necessary changes to alter the life that I was creating for myself that was rooted in my thoughts.
It is the quality of my thoughts that creates the quality of my life.
So, I needed to start thinking better thoughts.
This began for me with learning to dismiss the lies that are born of doubt, anxiety, and insecurity.
I will literally imagine myself flicking these thoughts out of my mind bubble and not giving these negative thoughts any power to assert themselves into a belief system.
I actively choose to focus my thoughts – instead – on that, I am loved, that I am worthwhile, that I matter, and that I am chosen.
There is so much power in drawing these types of conclusions about myself because it serves to change the reality that I create for myself because, in truth, I am the creator.
I decided, just as you do, what thoughts to give power to in creating my beliefs and defining my life and how I experience it
and it all starts in my thoughts.
Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎
The Mind Trap
Of the 95% of people who believe that they are self-aware, only 10% of people actually are.
On my own journey of wellness, introspection, and self-awareness I remember hearing this quote by Tasha Eurich in a TED talk.
Her findings came down to one very important distinction between those who really were self-aware and those who were not; the question one asks when faced with adversity.
Those who believe that they are self-aware and those who actually are do take time for introspection. It’s important to look within, this is something no one is going to argue against.
However, introspection doesn’t result in happiness.
More often than not it can cause stress, depression, a loss of control because we’re asking ourselves the wrong question.
When you ask the wrong question you get stuck in the mind trap.
Personally, I call the mind trap my inner mean girl. I know someone else that calls it Becky.
When hardships happen, whatever they may be, and you attempt to understand the why or the meaning behind it you get stuck in a mental prison.
Asking why is the wrong question, one in which there will never be a satisfactory answer.
The more you search for one, the more you fixate until you wind up inventing answers to fit your narrative.
For example, you may suffer a break-up.
In this scenario, if you ask yourself why, why did this happen? You may find yourself answering this question by saying it must be because there is something wrong with you and that you’re unlovable.
Asking why leads you away from the truth and clouds your self-perception.
There is nothing wrong with you and you’re not unlovable, but this invented answer may fit the narrative you’ve created for yourself and results in getting stuck in a mind trap.
Instead, of asking why, ask WHAT.
Introspection that asks this question results in actionable steps. This is the type of question that can produce answers and direction.
After a break-up instead of asking yourself why questions that result in a clouded self-perception, ask what questions; What do I need for healing right now?
What can I learn from this relationship?
What patterns did I see in my last relationship and how has this pattern shown up before?
What have I been struggling to let go of?
What do I need to take responsibility for?
What do I want in my next relationship?
Asking these types of questions leads you closer to your truth and directs you to the type of future you want to live, instead of trapping you in the review mirror of why.
Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎
Meet Her
She’s strong and capable,
has built a life of which she’s proud.
She’s happy, loved, appreciated.
She feels like magic,
a unicorn in human skin.
A star resting on the earth.
If you wish to earn her,
You must meet her.
Find her soul, capture her there.
Not with grasping or pleading,
wooing or preening.
No, by being your own type of magic.
Strong and capable,
proud of the life you’ve built.
Happy, loved, appreciated.
A pegasus in man form.
A sun blazing in a darkened sky,
never threatened by the star.
She’s growing and blooming,
has invested in her worth.
There are times she feels she’s flying,
barely contained within her flesh.
If you wish to stay with her,
You must meet her.
Be her equal or surpass her
in your growing and your blooming,
your investment in your worth.
Take flight with her.
Never trying to contain or restrain,
but by loving with an open hand
and letting her stay free.
Strength in Weakness
I’ve known for a long time that some of my greatest strengths also pose as my largest weaknesses.
A big heart can result in loving in such a free and giving way as to forgive anything and everything.
A strong voice can end up causing offense or being overly firm and resolute.
The ability to empathize and understand people can result in self-abandonment if one is unable to draw clear boundaries.
This is the way I’ve perceived many of my strengths, as ones that have the ability or chance to trip me up.
A hazard to be aware of and navigated with care.
Though it makes more sense to flip the script, not because our strengths don’t have a dark side, but because our dark side also contains light.
How about we dance with the darkness, work through the weakness in order to fully embrace and live out our strengths?
I say this for the collective we, but I’m really just talking to myself.
Self-abandonment has been my weakness.
It’s been more comfortable for me to abandon myself, my needs, and my desires if those needs and desires cause another discomfort.
I’ve found more comfort in that discomfort, because of my ability to empathize and understand why people do the things that they do.
So, when someone speaks badly about me, doesn’t show up when they say that they will, lies to me, or mistreats me in some other way I can often have empathy for their why.
I know that the person who spoke badly about me just lost someone close to them and their words are a reflection of their inner space and not really about me.
The person who didn’t show up, I know that they take everything on their shoulders and have a hard time saying no for fear of disappointing others.
That person that lied to me found it too difficult to tell the truth because they thought the truth would hurt me.
When you know and understand a person’s why it is hard to fault them for the bad behavior.
This is my light.
In this is also my darkness.
I’ve neglected drawing boundaries because I’ve so clearly understood someone’s why.
The idea of calling someone out on poor behavior when I know where it comes from can feel wrong.
Instead of viewing this only as a negative, I’ve been striving to find my strength within it.
To demonstrate through my drawing of boundaries and stating of expectations my worth and self-respect.
I can have both empathy and self-respect…
understand someone’s why and not tolerate the behavior.
So, what’s the difference in seeing strength in weakness, versus the oppositive?
For me, it’s the ability to look at my faults, flaws, and areas in which I require and want to grow and actively look for ways in which to improve.
To see the lack of self-respect and boundaries and look for how I’d prefer to respond and react and work to grow that ability, to engage that muscle.
When someone treats me in a manner that is unfair I can say, “I see you, friend, and this is how that action hurt me and I will not tolerate it.”
I deserve the same kind of care, tenderness, and understanding that I extend to others.
This is where I what I will grow out of my darkness.
Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎
Pattern Breaking
When you’re able to truly tap into your own desires, wants, and power it can initially feel uncomfortable, selfish, and can be laden in guilt.
At least, this is how it is feeling for me.
So many of my patterns involve me considering and putting others’ thoughts, feelings, and desires ahead of my own, so often to my own detriment.
My former relationship pattern has been to rescue, help, and to make myself indispensable.
However, I’ve learned through a series of doomed relationships that no one really wants me to do for them what they need to do for themself.
When I’ve stepped into this role of the rescuer I’ve relinquished my power, my voice, and the respect of the other person in relationship with me.
Also, I’ve repeatedly lost myself as I’ve moved further and further away from my own truth in an attempt to appease and please someone else.
Why?
Because so often I’ve felt selfish focusing on myself.
I’ve suffered intense guilt at the idea of disappointing, hurting, or letting someone else down.
For some reason looking at what it is that I really want, deserve, and desire has felt taboo.
It’s been much easier for me to disappoint myself than to disappoint someone else.
To the extent that I’ve distracted myself with the needs of others and found my sense of self-worth in how invaluable I assumed I’d become to someone else.
In recent history, it’s become imperative to do what maintains my own sense of overall wellness.
Dating during a pandemic, apparently, will do that.
I just didn’t have the mental bandwidth or emotional availability to do anything other than put myself first.
To love me first.
Investing in relationships from a space of self-love, self-preservation, and self-interest has been uncomfortable in a lot of ways, but also deeply peaceful and, ultimately, powerful.
Listening to my own inner voice and wisdom for what is best for me instead of trying to guess, supposition, or speculate about what I could do to satisfy, please, or appease someone else has stretched and challenged me in ways I’d not envisioned.
Each of us – friend – needs to make a powerful commitment to care for and listen to ourselves first. This has been something that has required me to consistently release and shed guilt.
We have to believe that our voice matters, instead of shoving it aside in fear of offending or hurting someone else.
For me, this means releasing my urge to ‘please’ or ‘fawn’ in order to stay comfortable and safe – a learned trauma response from a childhood spent avoiding angering or upsetting my dad.
I remember being told growing up when my dad was grumpy or unreasonable due to mood swings caused by shift work, “to just say what he wants to hear” in order to avoid conflict.
This lesson has weaseled its way into my romantic relationships and it’s taken time to recognize it, root it out, and let it go.
My peace is what is important.
If I seek my peace and my truth authentically and compassionately, give this voice, I do what is right and fair for those navigating a relationship with me …
instead of stifling myself for the good of the other.
It doesn’t mean that it’s easy, but it feels so much more worth it.
Always,
Your Trusted Friend 🖤
Waiting on the Weekend
Why is it we spend our weeks, our days, our moments waiting for the weekend, friend?
It has stuck me how many times Friday arrives and the people around me take a deep sigh of relief, saying;
“Aren’t you glad it’s the weekend?”
Yes, friend, of course I am glad it’s the weekend, but I am also thankful for all the other days.
Everyday has the potential to be a good day.
You see, friend, it’s all about our mentality and the way we choose to live and see each day.
Most of our lives will be spent working.
Let me break that down for you, friend.
If we live for 80 years, we will spend 13 years 2 months and 4821 days at work.
I, for one, don’t want to spend over 13 years of my life spent in anticipation of something else.
So, how can we turn those 13 years, 2 months, and 4821 days into joy?
In response to this question I can’t help but think of the things that help me to live my most optimal life.
If I base my daily happiness on the desire to live on a deserted tropical island I am going to be woefully disappointed.
Instead, I want to shift my perspective to see and to appreciate all the small moments all around me.
The shared smile with a stranger as we jockey for the door.
That feeling of accomplishment after a workout.
A rainbow sighted after a downpour.
Trying a new recipe and seeing the pleasure on the faces of your family.
A thank you for a job well done.
Crossing something off your to-do list.
Hearing from a friend in the middle of the day.
There are so many moments that go unnoticed or unappreciated because they seem insignificant, or we take them for granted.
Real life happens in small moments that we can treasure and savor.
These small moments have the risk of passing us by without notice if we are always waiting on the next big thing to come and provide us with inner peace, contentement, or joy.
It’s the small things that have the opportunity to matter the most, if we take the time to stop and see them.
In a world in which many people, including myself, get caught up in living for the weekend – for the break, the rest, the space to breath with reduced responsibility and obligations – I want to find more joy in the daily routine.
I can’t help but think that part of this, along with celebrating the small moments, has to involve the ability to make space for peace.
In letting go of worrying about the future and agonizing over the past, in order to be in the present and let go of the weight that threatens to press down upon you.
The weight of all the self imposed expectations and obligations need to be released.
Maybe I’m just speaking for me, as a way of letting go of the stresses that I have a tendency to hold onto and to also appreciate the small things that daily exist around me and a source of joy.
I always hope, though, that by sharing my fears, my struggles, and all the ways in which I’m growing, learning, and evolving that others can not only join, but support me.
For now it’s in this idea of refusing to just live for the weekend.
Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎
How We heal
When I was younger I broke my sister’s collarbone.
I didn’t set out to hurt my sister, but the fact that I did resulted in immense guilt and shame.
It was an accident. There was no ill will or ill intent towards my sister.
As I recall, she was sitting in a chair and I wanted to sit in it.
So I pushed her off.
Normally, this wouldn’t have been a big deal.
She would have leaped up from the floor shrieking, “Hey!” and then would have pushed me back and, more likely than not, we’d be reduced to fits of giggling in no time.
Just as we were when she grabbed me by the back of my shirt and the belt loop of my jeans and hoisted me off of the couch and left me a heap on the living room floor.
My intentions, as far as kid intentions went, were pure in this circumstance.
A dash of sisterly annoyance, heaps of good will, with a spoon full of fun were all that I’d intended.
Instead of leaping up and engaging in this ‘game’ with me, however, my sister screamed and cried.
At that moment it didn’t matter what my intentions were.
My actions had, in a very real and tangible sense, resulted in my sister breaking her collarbone.
For weeks afterwards every time I looked at my sister I was reminded of what I had done.
It was a good lesson in the gravity of the consequences of my actions and the importance of thinking before acting. I couldn’t help but be reminded of this every time I looked at my sister, with her right arm in a sling.
We, as flawed people, are good at hurting the people around us.
So often the hurt we cause, just like the injury I did to my sister, is accidental or the result of the purest of intentions gone awry.
Generally speaking, the hurt we cause isn’t visible, though, like the sling my sister had to wear for six weeks.
The sling a reminder that I’d inadvertently hurt her and that it would take time for that bone to heal.
In that interim, while she healed, I’d have to be a bit more gentle with her when we played.
A lot of injuries carried don’t show external signs of injury or healing.
There is no doctor’s note saying it’ll need to be immobilized for 2-6 weeks, no regular check-ins to see how it’s healing, and no gentle handling by those in your immediate vicinity.
An ex-boyfriend after we’d been dating a year got spooked by the seriousness of our relationship and dropped of the radar for a month.
Stopped answering my calls.
Didn’t respond to text messages.
There was no rhyme or reason for it, and nothing in our time together leading up to his disappearance gave me any clues as to why this would have happened.
I moved on as best I could with no answers.
This type of exit was particularly damaging for me from the previous trauma caused by my divorce.
This was the second time in my relationship history where someone had one day declared they loved me and the next abandoned me and left me with no answers.
After a month he showed up at my house with flowers, an apology, and an explanation.
I am certain his intention wasn’t to hurt me with his month long exit from my life, but he did.
There was no broken bone immobilized by a sling to bare witness to the brokenness – but I suffered a brokenness all the same.
When I decided to give him another chance after the month hiatus there was healing that needed to happen.
Unfortunately, each time there was evidence of my wounding – instead of a check-up and gentle handling – there was an expectation that I just get over it and move on.
After all, he hadn’t meant to hurt me and had explained that it was how much and how quickly he was growing to love me that had resulted in his month long absence.
His feelings had scared him.
In the time my sister was in a sling after I’d broken her collarbone I never once looked at her and said,
“Why do you have to wear that all the time?”
“You know I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“When are you just going to get over it!”
‘Everytime you wear the dang thing it just reminds me of how awful I was.”
“Why do you have to remind me over and over again of what a terrible choice I made to push you off the chair?!”
We understand that broken bones don’t just get over it and move on, why would we expect broken hearts and broken trust to?
Nothing heals in the space of neglect.
Just like my sister’s broken collarbone required gentle care, the occasional check-in, and time for the healing to take place.
Ignoring a broken bone doesn’t fix it.
If left untreated, the problem only gets worse and leads to complications and more pain and suffering.
The same is true of our internal injuries.
Tend them as tenderly, if not more so, than a broken bone.
Perhaps, like a broken bone, if given this intentional space the heart can heal just as strong – if not more so – as before the breaking.
Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎
The Worrying Mind
Our mind is a powerful tool, friend.
We can sit and and ponder the intricacies of the universe, the inner workings of the human heart, and the deeper meaning of life itself.
More often, though, we get caught in worry, planning, or any slew of random things that tend to pop into our heads only to derail us.
I say derail, because this is worry-based thinking, our default mode of thinking – which is particularly active when the brain is in a state of wakeful rest – can suck you down into a miasma of negativity.
In other words, our minds are natural worrying machines.
At one point in our evolution this probably kept us safe from danger and harm.
Today, however, it derails us from happiness.
A mind that wanders, according to a Harvard study, is not a happy mind.
Our minds like to ruminate on the past and the things that we should have, could have, and would have done differently had we known and been better.
Side note, we’re always doing the best we can with what we know and can do in the moment.
Our brains, though, like to worry about the future, all the maybes and unforeseeables which leads to anxiety and fortune-telling.
Mostly our minds wander and worry about things that are not in the present. All of those things that we can do very little about in the moment, except worry.
Psychologist Matthew A. Killingsworth echos this point saying, “… that our mental lives are pervaded, to a remarkable degree, by the nonpresent.”
Killingsworth and Daniel T. Gilbert, a professor of psychology at Harvard, in their study found that people were happiest when making love, exercising, or engaging in conversation.
Meaning, that people are happiest when they are actively present and engaged in the moment, and out of their heads.
We are happiest, friend, when we are not trapped within thoughts that drag us down a spiral of worry and anxiety.
When we are able to put the inner critic to rest and – instead – get into our body.
This is not to say that we should dismiss and disregard our intellect or the power of critical thinking.
The mind, as I said, is a vital tool. We need it.
When used correctly we are able to actively observe our mind and the messages it sends us.
Our mind, when used as such, can be a great resource.
This is the use of the body and mind in tandem.
When this can get problematic, however, is if we let our mind get caught up and trapped by thoughts spinning out of control.
For example, I was once told that I was a ‘relationship ruiner’.
That I was incapable of having and maintaining a relationships and was, now, ruining another one.
I was deeply hurt by this judgement.
Instead of observing and assessing this statement as an outsider in order to understand it and let it go, I latched onto it and let the words bounce around in my mind like a game of Pong.
I got stuck in my mind and trapped in my thoughts, letting the inner mean girl have full reign.
She told me that I was unlovable.
Yelled that everyone would leave me.
Whispered that I was toxic.
Said that I would never be in a long-term healthy relationship.
Assessed that I deserved abuse and disinterest.
Hollered, again and again, that I ruin things.
My mind did what it does best…
it worried and gnawed those words like a bone, that I was a ‘relationship ruiner’, and multiplied them until I was buried underneath the onslaught.
This is one example of what it means to be stuck in our minds.
Recently I’ve been repeatedly receiving the message of the importance of getting out of my mind and into my body.
I’ve thought a lot about what this would look like, and the importance of not falling into the trap of the worrying mind.
Knowing what I know now, I’d work to be actively present and engaged with my mind.
A tool I’ve learned to rely on with these nasty thoughts is to focus on cognitively releasing and flicking them away.
I’ve even gone so far as to literally take my fingers and ‘flick’ around my head as if the thoughts are just annoying mosquitoes that I can dismiss one by one.
Perhaps if I’d used this strategy when I was told that I was a relationship ruiner I would have been able to recognizing that these words were untrue and spoken in anger and hurt.
The speaker hurting to suck an extent that they wanted someone else to hurt too.
I would have had the cognizance to tell the speaker of those words just that, as well.
Then, I’d focus on getting out of my mind, to avoid getting caught in the worrying mind trap, and into my body.
Maybe I’d physically shake off the words, or dance, or run.
Perhaps I’d take a shower and focus on each of my senses in order to feel into my body and the present moment to avoid dangerous rumination.
Or I’d make love, or meditate, or yawn, or sigh, or breath.
If we are focusing on actively doing these things and being in our body, we can reel ourselves back to the present moment and away from the worrying mind.
It doesn’t mean that negativity won’t come, just that we have the power in whether or not it takes root, flourishes, and spreads…
or not.
Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎
Self Worth
I have placed my self worth, like a gift, into the hands of others assuming that if someone else found me desirable, lovable, admirable, and attractive then that must be true.
That stamp of approval by those outside of myself meant so much to me, and I chased that approval and enjoyed each for the temporal high it gave.
Until it flickered and died and I needed another affirmation that proved I wasn’t to be found lacking.
This approval came at a cost.
It cost me my own identity as I tried to morph into what I perceived others would find pleasing and desirable.
Additionally, it cost me time as I catered to those around me, doing whatever I could to make the lives of those around me run smoother, easier.
I did this until I got so lost in it that I had no other recourse but to find my way out.
Which required me to find myself and, additionally, to believe that who I found was worthy.
Anytime you place your sense self worth in anything external… a person, a place, or a thing… whatever that is has the power to destroy and reduce you to bits.
Someone’s attention shifts and it must be because something is wrong with you.
A job is lost because you must be lacking and insubstantial.
These are the consequences of placing worth in external sources.
When tides shift, you’re left adrift without something to latch onto.
You, my friend, are responsible for your sense of self worth, for feeling that you – as you are – are enough.
I say this not to create any sort of ‘out’ for not living up to your potential or adhering to your own moral code.
Being able to take accountability and stock of when you’re living up to your potential and doing what is necessary to ensure you’re taking care of your inner and outer landscape is vital.
So, take inventory of the things that are necessary for you to feel optimal.
This, I’ve learned, is so important in being kinder and more loving to myself. For I know when I am living in integrity and alignment with my higher good and purpose it’s easier to find my worth.
For me this looks like getting enough rest, moving my body daily, eating to fuel my body, engaging my mind, challenging myself creatively, finding time for friends, nature, and taking time for to be still and quiet.
I know that when I get away from these healthy habits my self talk will start to decline and the inner mean girl has more space to roam and external hiccups have more power over my sense of well-being.
So, I take care of myself. I nurture my body, mind, and soul with the same care that I would a child because I am worthy of that time, effort, and energy.
Next, I tackle the self doubt, insecurity, and negative self talk and I take great pains to send it on its merry way.
In this space I find and maintain my worthiness, so when things outside of me happen I don’t take responsibility for them or assume that things go wrong because of anything lacking within me.
Also, I’ve had to let go of any ownership of the self worth of those I care for.
I found myself thinking about self worth and my responsibility with my own sense of worth after a discussion with my partner.
After a vulnerable conversation I found myself wanting to inflate his ego and stroke his pride. He didn’t need me to do either of these things, he just needed me to listen and show compassion. My ‘fix-it’ mode needed to be halted and I had to remind myself that, just as my self worth is my responsibility, his self worth is his responsibility.
Not mine.
In relationship taking ownership of someone’s else’s self worth and putting your own in another’s hands creates a co-dependent relationship.
We’re striving for interdependence over here.
For relationships that within their comfort, stability, and security feel freeing.
Free to care for yourself and show up as you are in all the ways in which you are healed and healing.
Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎
Future-Tripping
What are you looking for, friend?
Are you looking at the world for ways that it can bring you joy, love, satisfaction, and adventure…
or are you looking for the ways in which the world can hurt, betray, disappoint, and let you down?
Here is a tip, friend: You will find what it is you’re looking for.
We are really good at affirming our worst fears and darkest insecurities and we REALLY like attempting to predict, plan, mold, and squish our future into a box labeled ‘expectation’.
The more we worry about the future, as if if can be controlled, the more anxiety that is introduced into our lives.
A good friend told me recently that anxiety is the tax paid for worrying about the future.
This “future-tripping” robs you of your present and engages you in a self-fulfilling prophecy cycle.
Your thoughts, your words, are spells.
While it sounds magical, it’s really just the power of the brain.
The brain filters all of the information it receives on an activation/inhibition model, called “priming”. When the brain is primed by a certain belief to look for something it will shut down competing neural networks so that you have a hard time seeing evidence to the contrary of an existing belief.
Whatever it is you focus your thoughts on becomes an existing belief.
Our beliefs inform our actions, and the result of these actions confirm your original belief.
Worrying can occur in any part of this, thus feeding this loop with its negativity and anxiety.
All those worries and anxieties then run rampant within our minds that we forget are just thoughts, not facts.
We let these thoughts fuel the loop.
In my life, for a long time, this showed up for me in the belief that I was unlovable.
This became the narrative that I created for myself.
As a result of this belief, many of the partners I found myself pursuing or in relationships with were unavailable, disinterested, or dishonest.
Being cheated on, lied to, ghosted, ditched, and both emotionally and verbally abused became my norm. What I expected, anticipated, and felt deserving of.
Thus confirming my belief about myself that I was unlovable.
On and on went the cycle.
A couple of things had to occur for me to change this.
- Recognize when thoughts needed to be dismissed.
- Let go of worrying about the future.
If it sounds simple, it is.
That is really all it takes.
When a negative thought enters I literally imagine myself flicking it away.
It isn’t that I don’t have negative thoughts, it’s that I choose which thoughts I allow to take root.
So, when I have a thought that I am a failure, a disappointment, that I’m fat, ugly, or unlovable.
I flick them away, because these are not truth, and then I replace them with the beliefs that I want to hold about myself.
I am resilient, strong, intelligent, creative, and loved.
If these are the thoughts and beliefs in my mind that I give space to, that I choose to believe, then these will be the thoughts that fuel and inform my actions and thus lead to the results that I am truly desiring for myself.
Once I believed that I was loved I found a partner who was able to honor that in a beautiful and magical way.
A different kind of self-fulfilling prophecy designed by the power of my thoughts.
What thoughts and beliefs are you choosing to give space to in your mind?
Are there ones that you can let go of and replace in order to receive that which you really want?
It’s not magic, it’s science.
So, that’s the first thing that is necessary.
Additionally, I try very hard to remove any expectation and attachment to outcome and avoid ‘future-tripping’.
Things will go awry, people will not act or behave as I expect them to. The more I attempt to control or force my will, the less that I am able to live in and enjoy the present.
Future-tripping doesn’t protect or prepare me for anything impending, it merely invites anxiety.
The more anxiety that I allow to prosper and flourish, the more stressed I become.
So, I let it go.
I don’t pay the tax and, instead, focus on enjoying the moments that I am living now instead of giving them away.
So I ask again, friend: what is it you’re looking for?
Because I can say with confidence that you will find what you look for.
Therefore, believe that you are love, beauty, and magic so that it will be what it is you find.
Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎
Me
The Clever Confidante 