Shadow Seeker: Childhood Wounds

Day Six: Recognizing Patterns & Growth

Recognizing our patterns is essential for growth because it allows us to understand the underlying factors influencing our thoughts, behaviors, and experiences. By identifying these patterns, we gain insight into recurring themes, enabling us to break free from limiting beliefs, overcome obstacles, and make changes. Awareness of our patterns also empowers us to take responsibility for our actions, cultivate healthier habits, and build positive relationships.

For example, for a long time after my divorce, I found myself dating emotionally unavailable partners, working to earn love and affection to prove that I was worthy of love. My pattern was one of unworthiness. Once I recognized this pattern, I could start to acknowledge my worthiness as a fundamental aspect of my humanity, independent of external achievements or validation and not something I had to earn.

Once you recognize your pattern, you can then learn your lesson. Here are some other patterns and lessons I’ve had to learn.

Perfectionism: I often feel pressured to excel in every aspect of my life, fearing failure or criticism if I fall short of expectations.
Self-Doubt: Doubting my abilities, worth, and decisions is a constant struggle for me, especially when faced with challenges or setbacks.
Fear of Vulnerability: I find it difficult to open up and be vulnerable with others, fearing rejection or judgment if I show my true emotions or vulnerabilities.
People-Pleasing: I often prioritize others’ needs and opinions over my own, seeking validation and approval from external sources rather than trusting my own instincts.
Avoidance Coping: When I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I tend to avoid confronting the issue or seeking help, opting instead for distractions or temporary fixes.
Comparison and Envy: I frequently compare myself to others and feel envious of their successes or possessions, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries: I struggle to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships, often sacrificing my own needs and well-being to avoid conflict or please others.
Negative Self-Talk: I engage in negative self-talk, criticizing myself harshly and doubting my capabilities, which undermines my self-confidence and self-esteem.
Perpetual Busyness: I constantly feel the need to stay busy and productive, often neglecting self-care and leisure activities in favor of achieving more.
Resistance to Change: I resist change and prefer to stick to familiar routines and comfort zones, fearing the unknown and potential discomfort that comes with stepping outside of them.

Perfectionism: Embrace the mindset of “progress over perfection,” recognizing that growth and learning come from embracing imperfection and taking risks.
Self-Doubt: Practice self-compassion and cultivate self-trust by acknowledging strengths, celebrating achievements, and reframing mistakes as opportunities for growth.
Fear of Vulnerability: Practice vulnerability with trusted individuals, recognizing that true connection and intimacy require authenticity and openness.
People-Pleasing: Prioritize my needs and values, set boundaries, and say “no” when necessary to honor my well-being and authenticity.
Avoidance Coping: Develop healthy coping strategies such as mindfulness, problem-solving, and seeking support from others to address stress and discomfort constructively.
Comparison and Envy: Cultivate gratitude and focus on my journey, recognizing that everyone’s path is unique and celebrating the successes of others without diminishing my own worth.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Practice assertiveness and communicate my needs and boundaries clearly and respectfully, honoring my values and preferences in relationships.
Negative Self-Talk: Challenge negative self-talk by cultivating self-compassion, practicing positive affirmations, and reframing negative thoughts with evidence-based reasoning.
Perpetual Busyness: Prioritize self-care and leisure activities that nourish my mind, body, and soul, recognizing that rest and rejuvenation are essential for overall well-being and productivity.
Resistance to Change: Understand that change is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery, adopting a growth mindset and seeking new experiences that challenge and inspire me to evolve. Visit ‘the edges’.