Friend, I have known heartbreak and devastation, pain and loss. I have known what it is to be ripped apart, not certain if I would make it back together again.
Once upon a time, friend, I was married and I believed in fairy tales and happily ever afters. I believed in romance, forever, and true love. I believed that someone had chosen me and that that was it.
Only it wasn’t.
There was a moment, friend, where I felt like a failure, where I didn’t know how I would go on. There were thoughts of taking my own life, that is how much the grief hurt, and how much I desperately doubted my ability to navigate through it.
In this moment, friend, I nearly did something that could never be taken back or erased.
I took the pill bottles out of the cupboard and lined them up on my dresser. My intent was to take them all and to fall asleep… and to not wake up. That idea seemed much more preferable then waking up and living in the pain, hurt, disappointment, rejection, and heartbreak.
This isn’t something I tell you to inspire pity, or to receive condolences, or well-intentioned affirmations.
I have made it to the other side of this grief and have a firm understanding that a life lived will never be one devoid of heartbreak.
There may never be a reason that makes sense to me for why this happened. However, there was an opportunity to learn a lesson.
What I have learned on the other side of pain, is that being ripped apart at the seams allowed me to stitch myself back together anew. The seams will never line up precisely the same, but that doesn’t mean that this new version of me doesn’t fit, and in so many ways I’m better for the things I have experienced.
On the other side of pain and heartbreak I have learned that I can survive… but, not only that, thrive… and, friend, I was prepared.
This lesson in heartbreak was essential for, friend, it taught me that I can be broken and put back together.
I’ve suffered other hurts since this devastating moment, perhaps ones that hurt to my core even more than the breakup of my marriage… but they didn’t tear me apart in the same way.
They didn’t tear me apart, for I learned a long time ago that the pain is only temporarily unbearable and will, eventually, become something that I can live with and grow through.
The lessons from heartbreak have become a background noise of my life. Thrumming and humming and allowing me to better appreciate the moments of magic as they’ve come.
Pain has cleared space for a new capacity of joy, and for that I am eternally grateful.
So, friend, if you ever find yourself in these dark moments – the ones you’re not sure you can navigate through to the other side – please have faith in yourself and, even though you can’t see it yet, the happiness that awaits you.
Your Trusted Friend ❤