We hold ourselves hostage in so many areas of our lives.
Locking ourselves away in mental prisons.
Prisons erected within our own minds, carefully built stone by stone from the wreckage of the failures of our past, the heavy stones of overwhelming anxiety that comes from the things we cannot change, and mortar of debilitation caused by the unknown.
Friend, have you ever sat and wondered why something didn’t work, slipped from your grip, and got away? Perhaps a lover who left before you were ready to let go, or a job prospect that seemed an ideal fit, but went to another candidate?…
Friend, when we are heartbroken or disappointed, or in anyway feel damage emotionally, we move forward and will take any stride to protect against similar and further damage. This to me reminds me of when we suffer a physical injury, such as a broken arm. We take the time to heal to immobilize the bone so that the bone can heal.
Triggers are a tricky thing, my friend, and we seem to collect quite a bit of them over the course of living life. By the time we get through childhood, which I believe lasts well into most people’s twenties, we’ve suffered wounding. Wounds, that…
Friend, most of the time we’re merely broken people, stumbling around breaking other people. We are careless with our words, our actions, and our deeds. Seldom taking notice of what matters, what is important, and what could make us whole until after we’ve destroyed it.
If someone hurts me, takes advantage of me, takes me for granted, is insensitive, rude, or fails to value me, it is my responsibility to speak up. Space in my life is valuable, and if you want to occupy a portion of that space you better rise the f*ck up, because I no longer have time, energy, or f*cks to waste on takers, manipulators, or liars. If showing you my boundary freaks you out or makes you feel I am demanding or needy – there is the damn door.
So, friend, if you ever find yourself in these dark moments – the ones you’re not sure you can navigate through to the other side – please have faith in yourself and, even though you can’t see it yet, the happiness that awaits you.
The dating power struggle… this is the struggle that occurs when one or the other person within the dating dynamic feels that they have to give up some of their power by doing a ‘major first’. A major first – in essence – is an act that reveals the hand a person holds and exposes a little bit of the ol’ heart, thus making one person in the due vulnerable. These firsts could take the guise of asking someone out, initiating the first kiss, saying the first I love you, or a multitude of things in between.
When I visualize my heart I see it battered and bruised. The evidence of old wounds. There would be signs, also, of my attempt to protect it; an old broken stone wall forgotten, and a battered shield lying to waste.
Friend, first, it is important for me to explain the apology that, I sincerely believe, is a curse is the unnecessary one.
For example, you laugh too loud at a joke that only you seem to get. I’m sorry, you say. You get lost in thought, only to realize that you’re staring at a stranger.
I’m sorry, you say. You get ‘too’ excited about something you’re passionate about. I’m sorry, you say.
Our days are filled with these unnecessary apologies. The ones that suggest that there is some part of you for which you need to apologize.