I’d distract myself with this feeling of being needed, thinking that it meant that I was valued, that I mattered. That my existence in the space of this individual’s life was something spectacular and magical.
It is so easy to get lost in comfort.
To let the ease of a person, situation, or place lure us into a false sense of security and distract us from what it is we really want, where it is we are really going.
Friend, this is the type of relationship we should strive for. One that can grow as we do. One that expands and evolves with us. One that never stops finding joy. One that encourages us along our evolution. One that gives us space grow as an individual. Someone who can be a home in which we will always feel safe, secure, and comfortable to be who we want to be. Who we are meant to be.
I sat across from a woman as she told me that she was hard to love. There were a litany of reasons, and she listed them all. She suffered from mood swings, was damaged and easily triggered, has ‘issues’, is crazy, overreacts and over-thinks, and is riddled by insecurities.
The dating power struggle… this is the struggle that occurs when one or the other person within the dating dynamic feels that they have to give up some of their power by doing a ‘major first’. A major first – in essence – is an act that reveals the hand a person holds and exposes a little bit of the ol’ heart, thus making one person in the due vulnerable. These firsts could take the guise of asking someone out, initiating the first kiss, saying the first I love you, or a multitude of things in between.
When I visualize my heart I see it battered and bruised. The evidence of old wounds. There would be signs, also, of my attempt to protect it; an old broken stone wall forgotten, and a battered shield lying to waste.
Friend, I am stumped as to why we, as people, are so insecure and cautious around other human beings. We cradle our hearts and our minds, scared to let anyone too close, know too much, or see too far into us. As soon as we start to open up, our instincts tell us to cringe back — preparing to be struck. Afraid of the rejection we could, potentially, suffer.