On Being “Fine”

We are conditioned to be emotionally good.

From the time we’re kids, we learn to smile through stress, put on a brave face, and answer every “How are you?” with a reflexive “Fine.”

But there is a cost to always being fine.

It is exhausting.

Many of my memories fade into a haze until they are pulled back out by a sound, a smell, or a conversation. But some stay vivid, like landmarks.

One such memory is simple.

It isn’t marked by an exciting win or a dramatic struggle. It stands out because it was the first time I admitted I wasn’t “fine.”

I don’t even remember what caused the emotional burnout. It wasn’t one catastrophic event. More than likely, it was just the slow accumulation of ordinary life.

The endless emails, the laundry, the bills, the quiet pressure to keep it all together.

Eventually, it all became too much.

So when the barista at the drive-up asked how I was doing, I didn’t give the expected response.

I burst into tears.

Through the sobbing, I choked out an apology.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to cry. It’s just been a really long day.”

“This one’s on me,” the sunny-faced teenager said with an understanding smirk.

I remember feeling a little shame, but more than that, relief.

Relief that I was no longer holding it all together.

I just let it all hang out.

And letting it go felt like dropping a heavy load I’d been carrying and only realizing its weight after finally setting it down.

We spend so much energy maintaining the facade of being okay because we’re afraid of what happens if we crack.

Will the breakdown be followed by judgment? Shame? Or maybe the fear that once we let it all out, we won’t be able to pull ourselves back together again?

But that day, the sky didn’t fall when I cried in front of a stranger.

I just got a free coffee and a moment of genuine human connection.

And that felt good. Like, really good.

Even with the shimmer of embarrassment, the relief outweighed it.

What I keep returning to, years later, is this:

Sometimes we just need permission to be human and admit when we’re not okay.

And maybe you’ll even get a free coffee out of the deal.

Always,
Your Trusted Friend ♡