October: Outgrow the Fight

September brought crushes, change, and a quickening.

Things began. Hope flourished. And then, in some cases, it died.

Looking back at the cards I pulled for September, I can see Lust telling me that I was finally ready to spread my wings. That attraction, creativity, desire, and vitality were returning to my life after a looooong period of stillness.

And they were.

But Nine of Swords. I didn’t understand that one.

Because when something wakes up in you, the mind doesn’t always know what to do with it. Desire gives the mind something to obsess over. Attraction gives a story to build. Hope gives a future to imagine.

And, suddenly, I was doing exactly what the Nine of Swords warned me about.

What does this mean? Where is this going? Do they like me? What happens next?

And that brings me to October.

October’s card is the Five of Swords.

A rather daunting card to draw for the energy of the month. On it, the word Defeat can’t help but draw the eye.

September left me with some unmet hope. So, it makes sense that October may be a month where my mind wants to create a narrative of “us vs. them” or “I must protect myself at all costs” as a defense mechanism against the pain of hope left dangling.

This is a card of conflict. Of discord. Of ego and power struggles. Of battles where even the winner may walk away having lost something.

It can speak to the desire to be right. To win. To have the last word. To keep fighting long after the fight has stopped being worth the cost.

There is something almost cautionary about it.

Not every battle is worth fighting. Not every disagreement needs to be resolved. Not every person who picks up a sword requires you to pick one up too.

And perhaps that’s the part of this card I need to pay attention to.

I don’t want to pick up the swords.

I choose to drop them.

Because maybe the defeat I’m being warned about isn’t someone else defeating me. Maybe it’s the cost of abandoning myself in an attempt to win something that was never worth fighting for.

Maybe winning isn’t getting the explanation. Or getting the last word. Or making someone understand.

Maybe winning is keeping myself.

And I don’t think that means avoiding conflict altogether. There are things worth saying. Boundaries worth holding. Truths worth speaking.

But there is a difference between standing up for yourself and needing to win.

I want to stay open.

I don’t want to retreat back into stillness just because desire turned out to be messy.

So this month, I want to be more discerning about where I put my energy.

To protect my peace.

The peace I’ve cultivated and cherished.

To not give mental space or attention to anything that diminishes that peace.

Defeat here doesn’t just mean walking away from a petty argument; it can also mean accepting the defeat of an outcome I wanted. Letting a situation die or remain unresolved without trying to fix it, renegotiate it, or force a conclusion.

Surrendering the need for closure from the other person is the ultimate act of dropping the sword.

And my messages being left on read for the last month from someone who sparked hope seems the ultimate situation where I just need to let it die instead of looking for any sort of conclusion.

Instead, I’ll stay anchored in creative power. I’ll put my energy toward the things that are actually mine to tend.

The world is full of messy dynamics.

I don’t have to enter every fight, and I don’t have to lower my frequency to engage with them.

I can outgrow the fight.

Maybe that’s what the Five of Swords is really asking of me.

Not to stop caring.

Just to stop fighting for things that aren’t meeting me.

Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎