Author's Note Halley started as a mirror of my best friend, but she evolved into her own person. I think in some ways all three of these women I've written about are pieces of me. Mira represents my consciousness. My felt experience. The parts of me that I am aware of and actively healing. Mira's Story is the part of my identity that I identify with the most. Halley, she is my armor. She is outgoing with a bad picker that she uses to prevent getting hurt. Her 'force' and the 'performance' is the persona she deploys to keep the vulnerable, conscious self safe. And Paige. Paige is my shadow. She is the over analytical part that always needs a 'why' for everything. She's a perfectionist who tries to manage and control feelings by analyzing them. It's only been recently that I've become more aware of this shadow aspect of myself. So, while Halley, here, started as my best friend... she evolved into another part of me. A note on this chapter, "The Run": This is what Halley's armor looks like in action. It's the 'force' and 'performance' at its loudest, most desperate. It's her 'bad picker' pattern not as a flaw, but as a function. After being 'seen' by someone 'steady' (Theo), her entire system registers threat. The 'Halley' armor deploys to protect the vulnerable 'Mira' consciousness. 'The Run' is a pre-emptive strike—a flight away from the terrifying vulnerability of a 'foundation' and a dive into the familiar, 'shiny' chaos of a 'disco ball.' It’s a hollow, neon-lit performance to prove she's still 'free.' This is the part of the story where the armor 'works'… and in doing so, fails her completely.
Tag: Paige’s Story
Paige: The Truth
Paige wanted to disappear.To lose herself in her work. She knew work. She understood it. Numbers, deadlines, performance. Those were measurable. Predictable. These new feelings, warring within her —guilt, relief, disappointment —were not ones she knew how to hold. The world around her felt muted, as though she were floating just above her own life.… Continue reading Paige: The Truth
Paige: The Attempt
It had been three months since Ellie saw the texts. Three months since the world had fractured, silently, from the inside. For Paige, it was three months of performing normalcy. She compartmentalized the secret, pushing it down, focusing on work, on logistics, on being the "good" wife and mother. She told herself it was over.… Continue reading Paige: The Attempt
Paige: The Temptation
It was easy for Paige to go from that first rush to finding reasons to stay at the office later and later. At first, she told herself it was ambition.The impulse to perform. To excel. To glow. Not in the ways most women did. As a beautiful woman, she’d grown up being noticed for her… Continue reading Paige: The Temptation
Paige: Before the Fall
The office was mostly empty by the time Paige gathered her notes, the city glittering through the glass walls like a reminder of who was still out there, all the people living lives that weren’t measured in quarterly reports. She loosened the cuff of her blouse, just barely, when she heard a voice behind her.… Continue reading Paige: Before the Fall
