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The Clever Confidante

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The Clever Confidante

Always, Your Trusted Friend.

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November 8, 2019Love

What I Thought Love Was

I’d distract myself with this feeling of being needed, thinking that it meant that I was valued, that I mattered. That my existence in the space of this individual’s life was something spectacular and magical.

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Welcome

Hi Friend,

I am an educator, mom, daughter, aunt, friend, soul searcher, and life long learner. I am glad you found your way here.

Stay awhile. I’ll speak with you as an old friend, tell you my secrets, lessons, fears, insecurities and give you a space space to feel you belong. That you, friend, are never alone.

Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤

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Happiness (36)
Life (43)
Love (22)

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{N E W B L O G P O S T} I’ve been ruminating on this topic for awhile. This post has been a work in progress for months. You see, I think it’s a part of our human nature to want and desire to be chosen. To have people close to us that we feel completely comfortable being ourselves with. People who’ve seen us at our worst and still accept us with open arms. People who, when we’re with them, we never feel like too much or too little with. People who we don’t feel the necessity to pretend, act, or cover-up. People who we feel invited to just be. People who feel like home. As much as I feel at home with myself, friend. I’ve had a very difficult time finding this with another. Honestly, because I have questioned if I deserve this from another, or have doubted that if I reveal all the parts of me if I will be found worthy. I say this, not to receive affirmation or confirmation, but instead in recognition that I know I’m not the only one with these fears and I want whoever reads this who identifies with these sentiments to know that you, my friend, are not alone. Additionally, you are worthy of love and never too much. It is natural to desire and want to be chosen, but it is just as natural to fear the authenticity required in order to foster true connection. So, here is to first choosing ourselves, and then being brave enough to be genuine in our interactions in order to allow ourselves to be chosen when we don’t have to act or pretend. For that is what we are all deserving of. Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️ https://thecleverconfidante.com/2020/01/22/to-be-chosen/

{N E W B L O G P O S T} Friend, there have been times that I’ve found myself held hostage in my own thoughts. • Beating myself up over past decisions, rethinking and ruminating over things I can’t change, and paralyzed by my fear of the unknown. • These are ways in which I’ve kept myself a prison in my mind. • Terrorizing and tormenting myself with my doubts, insecurity, and self talk that burns and seers right to the soul. • We are our own worst enemy. We are our own prison guards. • There is no one we can blame for the places we get stuck, the things we refuse to do, the doubts that we plant the seeds of in our minds. • Others may hand us, stick by stick, their criticisms and doubts, their naysaying and objections. • We take those sticks handed to us, and we erect the walls of our own prison. • For now I’ve thought of how we hold ourselves hostage with our past, holding onto guilt, remorse, and what-ifs. • I’ve thought of how we barricade ourselves with the things we cannot change. Those things outside of our power that we let occupy our thoughts. • I’ve thought of how we imprison ourselves with fear of the unknown. Stuck in indecision because we’re unsure of the outcome. • But there are so many ways we stay stuck and don’t allow ourselves to bloom, to take chances, to evolve and level up. • For now, my friend, I’m consciously letting go of these things and setting myself free. • Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️ • https://thecleverconfidante.com/2020/01/09/held-hostage/

{N E W B L O G P O S T} As we leap whole heartily into a new year many are beginning to set goals for what they wish to accomplish in this New Year. • While I’m all for goal setting, I have some myself, I also want to challenge you, friend, to set intentions for yourself. • What’s the difference, you ask? • A goal is an external path or task to accomplish, grasp, or reach. • A promotion at work, a set number on the scale, a distance to run in a race, a place to travel, and on and on... • Goals are essential things to have. They provide a target, something to aim for and aspire to. • The danger, my friend, is in the importance we place on these external things, and the failure we can internalize as a result of our attachment to accomplishment. • Intentions, instead, are all about HOW you want to live and WHO you want to be. • In other words, it’s how you show up. It’s the person you are at the starting point, through the race, and crossing the finish line. • So, that as life shows up and veers you off course, perhaps preventing you from realizing your set goals, you can still find joy, happiness, and celebration in the journey. • Because you showed up. • And, if you crush that goal, the same truth holds, because our worth isn’t attached to accomplishments, what we can do, or what we have. • Self worth is attached to who we are and our ability to accept and love that person. • So, friend, I challenge you to show up in this life we get to lead as precisely the person you want to be. • Set your intentions to be kind, be loving, be brave, be curious, be present, be joyful... • Just BE. • Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️ https://thecleverconfidante.com/2020/01/02/intentions/

{N E W B L O G P O S T} Pain will come. Set backs are inevitable. Dead ends will block your path, but you get to decide how you will respond. You bet to determine what this means for you. Will you see life’s hurdles, deters, and heart breaks as reasons to quit, or will you persist? Will you be a victim or a survivor? Are you going to let burdens weigh you down, or will you allow them to make you stronger? You decide. Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️ https://thecleverconfidante.com/2019/12/23/victim-or-survivor/

Friend, the first person you have to be accountable to, the first person that you need to take care of and provide for is the one you see facing you in the mirror. • Recently I saw a friend’s food picture, a beautiful home cooked me that made me salivate just seeing the image of. I was ready to show up at her door for dinner. She’d captioned the image, “Wife Material”. • This caption got under my skin and irked me. • Sure, you are worthy of another person loving and caring for you, but that isn’t based on your cooking skills. It’s based on who you are. • But outside of that, you are yours first. Own that. Be proud of that. Like the person you see in the mirror, instead of trying to dress it up with the meals you can cook and the ways you can care for another person. • Care for yourself first. • When you see my food photo it’ll say, “Me Materiel”. Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️

Breaking through old habits, patterns, and releasing yourself to what you need and deserve is both painful and exhilarating, to relinquish the grip on what you know isn’t meant for you. • We hold onto things because they are safe. Comfortable. Known. Secure. • Even if it is bad for us, this is what is known. Whereas giving it up requires us to step into the unknown, often barely knowing where each step will take us. • In this place of discomfort is where we find ourselves, friend. It is when we are pushed from comfort that we are able to shed a life that we’ve outgrown. One in which we’ve allowed ourselves to petrify into monotony. • Live with intention. Walk through life fully awake, conscious, and alert. • Shed what is necessary, and make room for what is to come. • Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️

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