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The Clever Confidante

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The Clever Confidante

Always, Your Trusted Friend.

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November 8, 2019Love

What I Thought Love Was

I’d distract myself with this feeling of being needed, thinking that it meant that I was valued, that I mattered. That my existence in the space of this individual’s life was something spectacular and magical.

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About Me

Welcome

Hi Friend,

I am an educator, mom, daughter, aunt, friend, soul searcher, and life long learner. I am glad you found your way here.

Stay awhile. I’ll speak with you as an old friend, tell you my secrets, lessons, fears, insecurities and give you a space space to feel you belong. That you, friend, are never alone.

Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤

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Happiness (31)
Life (38)
Love (20)

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{N E W B L O G P O S T} There may be some people who need to hear that it is okay to ask for and to receive help. It is also okay to expect reciprocity. • There are some of us that feel that it is our job and role to caretake and to provide for those around us. Oftentimes these same people who give so wholly and willingly have a difficult time asking for and receiving help. • So, I say it again. It is okay to receive. It is also okay to say no. It is okay to take care of yourself first. • If you have these people around you. Look out for them. Pay attention to the little signs of weariness that they try to hide. Offer to help, and don’t take no for an answer. Remember to say thank you and to appreciate all the things that they do to make your life better. To make your life easier. • I see and appreciate you. • Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️ https://thecleverconfidante.com/2019/12/06/the-giver-and-the-caretaker/

{N E W B L O G P O S T} It can seem easier for us to play small, for us to squash our own wants, needs, and desires in lieu of caring for others. • We place ourselves last, and expect others to place us first. • However, by playing small, by placing ourselves last, we teach and show others what we are willing to accept and permit. • We can not control what other people do or say, but we do get to control and determine how much time, effort, and energy we devote to the assholes of the world. • So often I’ve mistakenly thought that if I do more, love harder, work better that I will somehow earn or deserve the attention, kindness, and respect of others. • I treat others how I wish to be treated... • Yet, I don’t always treat myself kindly, and I’ve been guilty of allowing others to treat me in reprehensible ways. • While I still believe in treating others as you wish to be treated, I believe this starts with you. Treat YOU as you want to be treated... this simple act will teach the people around you what is permissible. • Strong, emotionally healthy, vibrant people are attracted to others like minded people, and they don’t permit or allow unjust behavior. • They CHOOSE better for themselves. • Herein lies the lesson. We choose. We choose and decide how we exist in this world. What we deserve, and what we permit and allow in our lives. • Tolerate less. Give yourself more. • Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️ https://thecleverconfidante.com/2019/11/13/choose/

{N E W B L O G P O S T} We all crave real, genuine, intimate relationships... yet there are so many learned patterns that prevent us from reaching what we desire and crave. • My history is one that has created a pleaser. Someone who desperately wants to be liked, to be perceived as good, kind, smart, hardworking... all the things others would admire. • There is this drive within me that has coded the feeling of love, as being needed. So I’ve worked to love hard, well, and good. • I’ve failed. Again and again. I’ve failed. • You see. Love is never about being needed. About superiority, or what you can give or get. • I got this all wrong, friend. • In the process I’ve loved the shit out of all the wrong people, while neglecting myself. • You see, love always starts with you. It starts with you loving yourself and truly believing you’re worthy of the love you heap so willingly and easily upon others. • Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️

This is me alone, in a place I really wanted to share with someone special. It struck me in this moment how analogies this was of the current relationship I’ve been pursuing. • I’m alone in the cold, outside of an empty, locked beach house. It was important to this other person that I see and experience this place that is so special to him, but he couldn’t ... no... he didn’t come with me. • I stood outside, in the cold, alone. • That’s okay. I’m not mad about it, but I realized two things, first, this was all that this man was capable of... second... I got to choose if this was okay with me. • And friend, this in no way says that there is something wrong, inadequate, or lacking in my friend... it just means that this is what he is capable of... but still, always, I determine if this works for me. • I choose. • Guess what? So do you. • So, what do we do with this information? • Well, again. We decide. We decide if we are going to leave it alone, or act. If we act, do we ask for more, or say we’ve had enough? • We choose. • Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️

{N E W B L OG P O S T} So often we get used to living a life going through the motions. It’s comfortable. We know what to expect, we know what to do. • I find a certain danger in this kind of living that settling lures us into. It’s okay to be comfortable, but it’s not what we are capable of, nor is it what we deserve. • We do this in almost every aspect of our lives; relationships, jobs, friends, experiences. We live in comfort, fearing to let it go and grasp for more. We worry that maybe this is the best I can get, maybe this is what I deserve, or all that I’m capable of. • When you tell yourself these lies you allow yourself to play small, you permit yourself to get stuck in the quagmire of mediocrity when if only you’d kept looking, kept pushing, kept grasping and striving and pushing you’d have found a life you’re worthy of. Thrills, passion, unforgettable moments that the memory of which will tug the corners of your lips up in a grin. That, my friend, is the life you deserve to live. • Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤️

{N E W B L O G P O S T} I’m not sure who reads, or who my words matter to... but I know that there are people to whom my words do matter, and I’m glad for this, and will keep sharing my thoughts for you. • A conversation inspired my thoughts today. The rarity of those we find who we feel completely comfortable and safe to share ourselves in our raw entirety with, and even rarer those people who take the time to delve deep into that mire with the right questions and intensity. • Who. Are. You? How do you define yourself? What parts of yourself do you share, and what parts do you hold close to your chest? Do you change who you are to suit who it is your around? • Read and let me know your thoughts and feelings. Always, • Your Trusted Friend ❤️ • • https://thecleverconfidante.com/2019/10/02/who-are-you/

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