She Was

She was the sun,

but you couldn’t handle how brightly she burned.

She was the storm,

but you couldn’t bend with the torrent.

She was all the things you crave,

but you couldn’t let yourself savor.

– Miranda Skye Bullock

So often we are told by society that we are too much of something, particularly as women.

We’re supposed to fit neatly into a little box, sprinkles of just the right about of intelligence, allure, and confidence so that we are pleasing, palatable, and acceptable.

Too smart and you’re challenging.

Too sexy and you’re a whore.

Too confident and you’re a bitch.

Let us also not forget that we’re not supposed to be overly emotional, otherwise, we’ll be perceived as “crazy”.

That box doesn’t fit, and I refuse to try to squeeze myself into something that isn’t meant for me.

Nor will I hack off any of the bits of me that work to create my wonder and mystery for someone else to understand or like me.

Just like the beautiful and mysterious moon,

You have an opportunity to witness my phases and to also see both my light and dark.

Those are my offerings.

They are glorious and powerful, and certainly not always agreeable and easy to digest.

Someone once told me that when I am feeling good I am the best person in the world to be around, but when I’m not…

Eyebrows were raised and shoulders were shrugged as if this was some sort of thing that I should find shame in.

For a moment I did, friend.

I felt shame in the fact that I wasn’t always ‘easy’ and ‘pleasing’.

However, as I sat with this I fumed.

Why do I need to ALWAYS be good? easy? pleasing?

What a ridiculous and impossible expectation to place on a woman.

Yet, this is often our burden to bear, if we allow it.

To speak softly of what irks or irritates us, to be careful with other people’s egos at the detriment of our wellbeing.

No. I will no longer sacrifice my authenticity for someone else’s comfort and ease.

There is beauty and wonder in me, regardless of where I am when you come to sit beside me – if this is ‘good’, ‘bad’, or something in between.

No one can show up 100% of the time, there is no such thing as perfection…

or of even being the best version of yourself all of the time.

To have this expectation placed upon you either externally or internally doesn’t show respect for the fact that there are ebbs and flows.

If the moon can be allowed to wane and wax, to be full or new, so can I.

So then can we.

Always,

Your Trusted Friend ❤️

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