No one can show up 100% of the time, there is no such thing as perfection, or of even being the best version of yourself all of the time. To have this expectation placed upon you either externally or internally doesn’t show respect for the fact that there are ebbs and flows. If the moon can be allowed to wane and wax, be full or new, so can I.
Who. Are. You?
I punctuate this with intentionality, hoping you’ll hear each stressed syllable and note each pause between words as if I was speaking aloud to you, with the wish that you understand the sincerity and seriousness behind my query.
What would you say to define yourself?
Maybe I speak too boldly, assuming others suffer from the same debilitating fear that I do, but I don’t think so… and if this resonates with you at all, friend, I invite you to let go with me. Let go of the fear, the worry, the anxiety and insecurity. Let go of the doubt, the uncertainty, the hesitation, and anything that holds you back and prevents you from grabbing hold off whatever it is you are afraid to grasp.
I sat across from a woman as she told me that she was hard to love. There were a litany of reasons, and she listed them all. She suffered from mood swings, was damaged and easily triggered, has ‘issues’, is crazy, overreacts and over-thinks, and is riddled by insecurities.
Friend, first, it is important for me to explain the apology that, I sincerely believe, is a curse is the unnecessary one.
For example, you laugh too loud at a joke that only you seem to get. I’m sorry, you say. You get lost in thought, only to realize that you’re staring at a stranger.
I’m sorry, you say. You get ‘too’ excited about something you’re passionate about. I’m sorry, you say.
Our days are filled with these unnecessary apologies. The ones that suggest that there is some part of you for which you need to apologize.
Friend, I am stumped as to why we, as people, are so insecure and cautious around other human beings. We cradle our hearts and our minds, scared to let anyone too close, know too much, or see too far into us. As soon as we start to open up, our instincts tell us to cringe back — preparing to be struck. Afraid of the rejection we could, potentially, suffer.
Friend, our existence is full of rules – all the shoulds – that never ending list of things that we’re supposed to do, or be, or have.
Gradually it begins to make us feel inadequate and lost. As though we’re wading into a pool teaming with razor sharp claws hell-bent on ripping us apart, pulling off all the hopes and dreams, the things seen as insubstantial, thus leaving us feeling small.