Hard to Love

Photo Credit: Andrew Neel

Friend, I want to tell you about a conversation I had not long ago.

I sat across from a woman as she told me that she was hard to love.

There was a litany of reasons, and she listed them all.

She suffered from mood swings, was damaged and easily triggered, has ‘issues’, is crazy, she overreacts and over-thinks, and is riddled by insecurities.

This woman told me, with a laugh and a toss of her head, that anyone would be a saint to put up with her.

Put up with her?

Those words, actually all of her words felt like blows to my heart. It hurt to hear a woman that I admire, appreciate, and adore speak about herself in such a self-deprecating way. To see herself as someone hard to love, or as someone to ‘put up’ with.

I sat across from this magnetically beautiful woman and listened to her spew the words that, to me, couldn’t be farther from the truth. As she spoke I couldn’t help but think of how much I loved her, and there wasn’t any difficulty in it at all.

Do you know, friend, that this isn’t the only woman that I have heard this kind of language from?

There are so many women who say, think, and feel that they are hard to love, or that they are someone another person would find difficultly in ‘putting up’ with.

Friend, maybe there is someone along the way that has made you feel hard to love,or maybe life circumstances or failed relationships have resulted in you feeling that there is something innately wrong with you.

No, friend, just – NO.

There is no one in this world that is perfect or devoid of flaws and, yes, sometimes people – all people – can be difficult to be around.

But choosing to love you should never be hard and being around you should always be a gift.

You, friend, are a gift.

The things that you perceive as inadequacies are magnified by your close perspective, by the fact that you can’t see all of you, and the perfectly unique person that each small piece and part of you works together to create.

Your humor and the way you snort when you laugh.

Your ability to say the right thing at precisely the right time.

Your strong will and the way that you stand up for what you believe without apology.

Your compassionate heart and the way you try to show strength, even when your world is falling apart.

Your uncanny ability to text or call when I need a calming voice and an ear to listen.

Your dedication to your family and to your own personal growth.

You, friend, have inspired me, motivated me, consoled me. You have lifted me up and dusted me off when life knocked me on my ass and I felt broken beyond repair.

You’ve reminded me of who I am.

So, in this moment when you feel that you are hard to love, or that someone has to ‘put up’ with you, I am going to stop you and tell you the truth.

Friend, we’ve fought, we’ve cried, we’ve been annoyed, angered, hurt, and disappointed with one another…

and I wouldn’t trade any of those moments.

These are the moments that we weathered together. These are the moments that built our relationship and our friendship and revealed to me just how much you mean to me. These hard moments have created a tether of trust between us.

Relationships are not built purely on the good feelings and happy memories. They are established on the bedrock of all the shared moments. The good and the bad. Looking back at our friendship I can see all that we have survived together. Because of this I know that you and I can get through anything.

The difficult moments that we’ve traveled through with one another have given me the confidence to know that any moment I will face, you’ll stand beside me.

You, my friend, are anything but hard to love.

Loving you is like breathing.

I choose you.


Your Trusted Friend ❤

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