Choosing the Bear

It’s fascinating how metaphors evolve over time, isn’t it?

Four years ago, I wrote about facing the bear in the context of relationships.

Back then, the bear symbolized the raw, unfiltered aspects of ourselves that we reveal to those closest to us. It represented vulnerability, the scary moments when we let our guards down and show our imperfections, scars, and triggers to another person.

But now, a new metaphor has emerged, one that carries a different weight, especially in light of current societal conversations.

Women, when posed with the question of whether they’d rather be alone with a man or a bear, overwhelmingly choose the bear. It’s a stark reflection of the fears and dangers many women feel in certain situations, where the bear seems like the safer option.

In my previous post, I spoke about the importance of having someone who will face down the bear with us, metaphorically speaking. Someone who won’t run from the ugly bits but instead sit with us, creating true intimacy and connection as we reveal all of who we are. That sentiment still holds true, but the context has shifted.

Today, facing the bear takes on a new layer of meaning. It’s not just about revealing our vulnerabilities within the confines of a relationship; it’s about navigating a world where danger lurks, where simply being alone with another human being can feel like staring into the eyes of a predator.

In this context, the idea of choosing oneself becomes even more crucial.

It’s about recognizing our own worth, our right to safety and respect, and refusing to settle for anything less. It’s about knowing when to walk away from relationships or situations that make us feel unsafe or undervalued.

So, as I reflect on the metaphor of facing the bear, I am struck by the importance of facing vulnerability together.

While many men are struggling to understand why women would choose the bear, I am reminded that it was my dad who taught me to always be aware of my surroundings, to not walk home alone after dark, to carry my car keys in a way that if an attacker approaches me, I can stab them with a key jutting from between my knuckles, to look in the backseat of my car and to immediately lock it when I got in…

and so many other lessons and warnings regarding how I watch out for and engage with men.

As we have a larger-scale conversation about women’s experiences today, I hope this conversation will be heard and responded to better than the Me-Too movement and that someday, fathers don’t have to teach their daughters to be weary of the men around them.