What I’m Learning About Wanting

There’s power in naming what we want out loud.
Even when it’s messy.
Even when it feels like too much.
Especially then.

But I won’t pretend it’s easy.
I’ve spoken my desire and watched everything fall apart.
I’ve asked for more and have been met with endings.
I’ve used my voice and then questioned if I should’ve stayed quiet.

So for a long time, I swallowed my wants, not just out of shame, but out of fear.
Fear that asking might lead to a no.
Fear that a no might lead to loss.
And that loss might somehow mean I was wrong to want at all.

But I’m unlearning that.

Because part of wanting bravely
is knowing the answer might not be what I hoped for
and choosing to ask anyway.

Because when you speak your desire, you get your answer.
You get to see clearly—without guessing or grasping—where people stand,
what they’re capable of, and whether they can meet you where you are.

And even when the answer stings,
there’s peace in knowing.
There’s power in no longer wondering.

But when we don’t speak our wants aloud, we begin to shrink.
Dry out. Shrivel from the weight of unmet needs.
Yoked and tethered to someone who doesn’t have the capacity—or the willingness—to do the watering.
We call it compromise, but it’s actually quiet starvation.

For too long, I swallowed my wants like secrets.
Tucked them behind smiles. Softened them into suggestions.
Made them small enough to not scare anyone off.

I wanted so much—
Love. Passion. Peace. Adventure.
To be held. To be witnessed. To be met.

But I wrapped those wants in shame.
Made them easier to carry for others, even when they were too heavy for me.

Desire felt dangerous.
Like if I admitted what I craved, I might not survive the ache.
Like wanting too much would make me too much.

But lately, I’ve stopped apologizing for my hunger.

I’m learning that desire isn’t something to hide.
It’s something to honor.
To explore.
To respect as a compass.

Wanting doesn’t make me needy.
It makes me human.

I want depth, not just comfort.
Challenge, not just chemistry.
To be adored and respected.
Ravished and held.

I want connection that’s spoken out loud, not just implied.
To be touched like it means something.
To be held without hesitation.
To be someone’s choice, not just their option.
To be prioritized, not penciled in.
To be on the list of things that matter
and to not have to wonder if I am.

I want to cross a threshold with someone who’s not afraid of the naming.
To define the relationship, not because I need control,
but because I value clarity, care, and mutual direction.

To be seen, truly, is what matters most to me.

And I’m learning something else, too:
Wanting something deeply doesn’t make me fragile.
It makes me faithful to my truth.

I used to think wanting was dangerous because it could lead to disappointment.
Now I know: disappointment doesn’t mean I was wrong to want.
It just means I’m learning to want without losing myself.

Wanting something real and waiting until it arrives isn’t passivity.
It’s strength.
It’s believing I’m worth what I asked for, even when it doesn’t show up right away.

Desire used to feel like a performance.
Now, it feels like discernment.

And I want to give that kind of love too.
Bold, curious, sacred, real.

So here I am—
Naming what I want.
Even when it’s messy.
Even when it still scares me a little.
Especially then.

Practicing.
Wanting without apology.
Asking without shrinking.
Choosing what feeds me, not just what settles me.

Because my hunger isn’t a problem.
It’s a prayer.

And I’m learning to treat it like one.

Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤