September: Yes, Me

The end of August and moving into September feels like a rubber band released from its tension.

For so long I’ve felt my life was paused, but I could feel the roots going deep. Change and growth happening, but it hadn’t yet reached the surface.

Life felt slow.

Not bad slow, just the ability to sit in contentment and comfortable reflection.

It hasn’t been Tower moment growth that comes from the universe ripping everything away from you so that you have no choice but to change.

It’s been slower. Gentler.

That’s what I needed.

Because something has changed.

I feel it.

Things are finally happening, and fast.

If last month felt like roots, perhaps this month is when I gain my wings.

For the month of September, two cards fell from my deck: the Nine of Swords and Lust.

The combination was daunting initially.

Just look at the Nine of Swords.

The word boldly printed on the card is cruelty, and the image reminds me of the killed pig in Lord of the Flies.

It is not a pleasant image.

But the Nine of Swords isn’t any sort of external cruelty or misfortune. It is the result of an overthinking mind.I t’s the mind turning against itself. Ruminating. Creating stories. Letting anxiety, fear, guilt, and regret take over.

It is a situation made worse because the mind takes over and begins creating stories around what might happen, what something might mean, or what could go wrong.

And then there is Lust.

Lust represents raw passion, creative energy, courage, and the joyful integration of our primal, instinctive nature. It is passionate relationships. Confidence in sexuality. Vital life force. Spiritual evolution.

In the Tabula Mundi Tarot, Lust is about energy. About vitality. About the unchecked creative passions that can be transformed into spiritual or artistic expression.

The woman is holding a lion’s tail, which transforms around her to form a serpent.

This represents the awakening of Kundalini energy.

It is strength exercised. Rapture. Vitality.

Passion used as a force for creation rather than something to be controlled.

It is taming the beast by riding its channels in harmony.

And suddenly, this combination makes more sense to me than you’ll know.

Because I feel as if I am not only returning to myself, but as if parts of me that have been long dormant are waking up. Attraction. Passion. Desire.

Parts of myself that I intuitively know I am supposed to feel. To play with. To enjoy. And as these feelings arise, I can feel my mind latching onto them. Trying to rush forward, to know, to turn a feeling into a story.

What does this mean?

Where is this going?

Does he like me?

What happens next?

The Nine of Swords knows how to do this. It takes something that is happening right now and drags it into every possible future. It wants certainty and an answer.

Lust doesn’t need certainty, lusts just asks me to feel and experience. To let something be alive without immediately needing to name what it will become.

But right now I get to just have crushes and not know what it means.

I get to feel attraction without turning it into attachment.

I get to enjoy being interested in someone without needing to know whether they will become important to me.

I get to let desire exist without making it responsible for my future.

This feels different because for so long, so much of my healing has been about learning how to protect myself. How to recognize patterns, how to understand what happened, and how to become grounded enough that I could trust myself again.

August asked me to become receptive.

To open my hands.

To allow something new to find me.

September feels like the moment when I actually begin to discover what happens when I do.

That is what the roots were for, they were creating the stability I would need when it was finally time to grow upward.

To reach.

To stretch.

To move.

To fly.

I get to move into a new home.

A new space.

A new season of my life.

And I don’t need to know exactly what this season will bring. I just get to live it.

There is something almost funny about spending so much time learning how to sit still, only to find myself suddenly wanting to move.

To go places.

To say yes.

To flirt.

To create.

To feel.

To be surprised.

To let life become a little less predictable.

This is what it means to gain wings.

It’s not knowing exactly where they will take me and instead just trusting that I have finally grown strong enough to use them.

September doesn’t feel like a month of figuring everything out, even though there are parts of me that wish it were. Instead, it feels like a month of letting myself experience what is already here.

The attraction.

The excitement.

The uncertainty.

The new home.

The possibility.

This life of mine that is beginning to move again.

And when my mind inevitably tries to run ahead of me, creating stories about what all of this means, I can come back to what I do know, which is that I don’t have to know yet.

I can just feel it.

I can enjoy it.

I can let it unfold.

Ater all these years of growing roots, I’m finally learning that I don’t have to choose between being grounded and being free.

I can have both.

I can have roots.

And wings.

Always,
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎

“Yes, Me” Tarot Spread

A three-card spread for tending A three-card spread for designed specifically for the September tension between the Nine of Swords and Lust.

Affirmation:

“Yes, me.””

Yes to the woman I am becoming,
Yes to thing things that make me feel alive.
Yes to desire without needing a destination.
Yes to curiosity without needing certainty.
Yes to my own life, exactly as it is unfolding.

Yes, good things are happening to and for me and I don’t have to know what comes next to say yes to what is here.