We choose how we want others to treat us, we decide what is acceptable and permissible.
Sure, other people can be top notch a-holes, but we get to determine the space, time and energy that we devote to these people.
The ultimate decision of what we permit into our lives, or not, is utterly dependent upon us, friend.
Years ago I started dating this man with a big, outgoing, gregarious personality. He was smart, well traveled, educated, and – seemingly – unafraid to be himself.
I loved being around him because of these qualities. They drew people to him like a moth, and I was captured.
Until one night he became upset with me for tickling him, and then proceeded to pour his drink over my head.
Sitting there in shock, my wet hair dripping into my lap, I had no idea what to do as I listened to him tell me that this was my fault. He had asked to me stop – but I had persitted.
I deserved to have his drink poured over my head.
Listening to his words I felt the wrongness of them. I stood up, went into the next room to grab my things, and when I returned I saw him with his head in his hands and in that moment I made a choice.
I made a choice in how this man was allowed to treat me.
There is no question in my mind now, in retrospect, that I did not deserve this treatment. No one should ever treat another human being in the manner he treated me. This was the first action of many subsequent others.
I should have left, but I stayed, and by doing so I told this man that what he did to me was okay.
There is no way that I could have predicted this man’s behavior, or in any way controlled it, but it was absolutely up to me if I chose to participate.
Unfortunately I participated in this particular relationship for far too long, and – sadly – it took many other similar situations and relationships until I was able to recognize my own role in this repetitive pattern.
For me, friend, what I recognized about myself was that, on an unconscious level, this was the kind of of treatment I felt that I was worthy of.
I would watch women around me who had no qualms with voicing their desires and wants, and would unapologetically take a stand. Women who, when unacceptable behavior occurred, had such a strong sense of self worth, that they would not allow unjust behavior.
These were women that I looked at with admiration.
Until I recognized that there was only one thing preventing me from being like the women I admired; my choices.
My sense of unworthiness had caused me to settle for much less than I deserved, needed, or wanted.
I received that which I tolerated, and eventually I learned my own responsibility in this cycle.
We, friend, have a responsibility to teach people what is and is not acceptable. We have a responsibility to take care of ourselves first. It is okay for us to have wants and needs, and to express these things out loud.
It all comes down to what we believe we are worthy of, and what we choose to allow or to permit.
Let’s choose better, friend. Let’s resolve to make choices that will be for our own greater good, and resolve to not sacrifice our own well being out of fear or from a sense of unworthiness.
We are so worthy.
So, turn your damn asshole radar on, and act accordingly when it goes off.
Always, Your Trusted Friend ❤