The Owner’s Manual

There is so much power in establishing and maintaining boundaries.

As a caretaker and someone who strives to see others’ perspectives, I have allowed my boundaries to be crossed, erased, adjusted, and manipulated.

Being a nice, compassionate person it often felt difficult to maintain my boundaries.

Why, friend?

It’s simple, really.

I want to give the benefit of the doubt, see the good in people, and give them a second chance.

You see, if you cross one of my boundaries, I can often understand why you behaved the way that you did.

I understand what external factors affected your inability to respect my boundaries, and so I’ve made exceptions.

Hence, I’ve permitted my boundaries to be crossed, erased, adjusted, and manipulated.

I’ve given a pass to the jackass.

However, this didn’t honor me.

Perhaps some boundaries are hard to maintain because it can be difficult to say no.

We don’t want to disappoint, let down, or anger.

We also want to believe that others have our best interests in mind.

However, this isn’t always the case, and setting and maintaining our boundaries should be our first priority.

Good boundaries show others how to treat us.

They give those around us, essentially, the owner’s manual for how to treat us in all circumstances.

How do you interact in an argument? What’s permissible treatment?

This is a boundary that you have to draw and establish.

Are you a person who, when angry or frustrated, needs others to step away from you and give you space to collect your emotions and thoughts?

Or do you need to talk it out, reach a point of conciliation, hug it out?

What happens if you are interacting with someone with a different way of reconciliation?

Say it.

Talk about it.

Create your rules and boundaries for engagement.

If you’re single, how do you date, and what are you looking for in a partner?

Are you stuck in dating drudgery looking for a long-term committed relationship?

Or are you looking to meet and connect with multiple people, still exploring what it is you really want?

Again, what happens when two people meet who have opposing views on what they are looking for?

Say it.

Talk about it.

Create your rules and boundaries so you only give space to what is right for you.

How much space do you need to devote to yourself to remain healthy and happy?

Is it important for you to have space in your schedule for ‘me’ time?

Or are you someone who needs constant stimulation and interaction from others?

What do you do when two people have different expectations of time commitments?

Say it.

Talk about it.

Protect the time and space you need for yourself while also honoring those around you who matter.

The more you speak your boundaries and requirements out loud, the more space you create for those around you to treat you as you need – and deserve – to be treated.

The better you do this, the more you will be able to find and create nurturing relationships that serve you.

Being nice to others is important, but it should never be to your own detriment.

You can see and understand why others cannot respect your boundaries, but you can also respect yourself, and you are allowed to walk away from those people who cannot respect your boundaries –

EVEN if you understand their why.

You, my friend, are allowed to take up space.

You can show people your owner’s manual.

The right people will be thankful for the directions.

Always,

Your Trusted Friend ❤