When the Heart Feels Numb

I’ve been wondering lately: is it possible to want to date, to want to feel something, and yet… just not?

Is it possible that, like a burn injury, our emotional wounds can leave us numb for a while? That thought keeps crossing my mind every time I go on a date, searching for connection, only to walk away feeling… meh.

Here’s the thing: I want to connect. I want to laugh with someone until my stomach hurts. I want to be surprised by those little quirks that make someone uniquely them. I want to feel that warm buzz that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. But instead, I’m left wondering if I’ve lost my ability to feel anything at all.

Have you ever suffered a deep burn? (Bear with me; I promise this isn’t some bizarre metaphor for a bad date.) After the initial shock, you protect the wound with everything you’ve got—bandages, ointments, and a complete avoidance of anything remotely painful. But once it starts to heal, you notice something strange: that part of you doesn’t feel the same. You might touch it, but the nerves haven’t fully repaired yet, so it’s numb.

Emotional injuries in relationships feel eerily similar, don’t they? When we’re hurt, our instincts scream at us to retreat. We protect ourselves with walls and distractions, avoiding anything that might touch that tender spot. And eventually, we convince ourselves we’re ready to try again. But what happens when we realize the nerves in our heart aren’t firing like they used to?

Psychologists call this emotional numbing, and it’s not just in your head. After intense emotional pain—like a breakup, betrayal, or repeated disappointment—your brain can kick in a defense mechanism, dampening your ability to feel. This is your brain’s way of saying, Hey, let’s turn this down for a while so you don’t get hurt again.

It’s protective, but also frustrating when you’re finally ready to open up again and your heart doesn’t seem to cooperate.

Neuroscience backs this up. The emotional centers of your brain—especially the amygdala and prefrontal cortex—can get thrown off-balance by emotional trauma. Like nerve endings after a physical burn, the emotional “nerves” in your brain need time to heal and reconnect.

That’s where I think I am. On paper, I’m doing everything right. I’m putting myself out there. I’m meeting new people. I’m saying “yes” to dinner invitations and “sure” to second dates.

But in the middle of all that effort, I’m still waiting for the part of me that feels to wake up.

It’s frustrating. Healing doesn’t come with a timeline or a checklist. It’s not as though we can just Google, “How long until I feel butterflies again?” And if you’re anything like me, patience isn’t exactly a strong suit.

So, what do we do while we wait?

For me, I think it starts with grace—for myself and for others. Grace to acknowledge that healing from emotional wounds is complicated and nonlinear. Grace to accept that I might need more time than I’d like. Grace to remind myself that numbness isn’t the same as being broken.

I also think it’s about staying open, even when it feels hard. Numbness can trick us into shutting down entirely, telling ourselves, If I don’t feel anything now, I’ll probably never feel anything. But that’s not true. Feelings—connection, passion, love—are stubborn little things. They have a way of sneaking back in when you least expect it.

And maybe that’s the real lesson here: healing doesn’t look like a straight line. It looks like a slow and messy rediscovery of what it means to be human again. It looks like sitting through a dozen “meh” dates, reminding yourself that you’re not broken—you’re healing.

So, if you’re in the same boat—feeling disconnected, wondering if your heart will ever wake up again—know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel a little numb right now. Numbness isn’t the end; it’s part of the process.

And in time, I believe those nerves will heal. The feeling will come back. And when it does, it’ll be worth the wait.

Until then, let’s keep showing up. Let’s keep giving ourselves the grace to heal and the courage to keep trying.

Because even if we don’t feel it today, love has a way of growing quietly, building itself in the background—ready to meet us when we’re ready too.

Always,

Your Trusted Friend ♥