Releasing Control

Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

We all crave intimacy, and yet it’s the scariest thing in the world to receive for it requires vulnerability.

Vulnerability — my friend — demands that we give up control.

It means that we allow ourselves the space to be raw and open.

That we show and reveal all the parts, even the ones we’re frightened of.

For so many of us control is a way in which we protect ourselves from pain, from hurt, from being broken.

Yet, I have been reminded again and again that control limits, stifles, and restricts.

It functions as a cage we confine ourselves within, keeping out the pain, hurt, and potential heartbreak…

but it also keeps out joy, love, and deep, genuine connection.

Control driven by fear is the material of choice for my own carefully constructed cage.

This became very apparent to me recently as I felt myself feeling the first stirrings and surging of love within a new relationship.

These feelings bubbled up inside of me, wanting to be voiced in words.

Instead of allowing them to be spoken, I jammed them down deep.

This was my attempt to control and retain power.

To not appear vulnerable.

I limited myself within the relationship because I was afraid to trust that I would be met in this.

In this, I withheld an opportunity for mutual understanding and respect.

All because I wanted to feel in control.

Love, particularly within a safe container, did not feel safe to me.

Security, comfort, safety has not been the norm of most of my romantic relationships.

I have been traumatized within relationships.

This has resulted in a subconscious desire to control in order to protect from further pain and hurt.

Here I am, working to remove the confines of my self-constructed cage and to let love in.

To listen to my deeper knowing and intuition that tells me that I am safe and secure, and furthermore, to not experience this as uncomfortable — but to instead allow myself to feel the deep peace that comes with it.

For so long my norm has been anxiety, apprehension, and insecurity in relationship.

Now it is time to be vulnerable in order to allow myself the freedom of peace…

and with that the deep intimacy of connection.

Always,

Your Trusted Friend ♥️

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