Power Struggles in Dating

Dating can create power struggles, and the so-called experts who give advice make this landscape even more confusing.

You’re supposed to be mysterious but not too mysterious.

Show interest without seeming desperate.

Be available without appearing needy.

Be confident without being arrogant.

And on and on it goes.

Don’t show your hand too soon, talk too much, or show too much interest – if so, you risk someone losing interest.

Dating has turned into a game that I am not entirely sure of the rules.

Dating can often feel like navigating a complex maze of expectations, uncertainties, and unwritten rules. It’s a terrain where the balance of power can shift instantly, leaving us disoriented and unsure of our next move.

One of the most frustrating aspects of the dating game is the pressure to strike the right balance between being open and mysterious. We’re told to reveal enough of ourselves to keep our date interested but not so much that we come across as too eager or desperate. It’s a delicate dance of revealing just enough to spark curiosity while maintaining an air of mystique.

But where is the line drawn? And how do we know when we’ve crossed it?

Then there’s the age-old advice to play hard to get, to not show our hand too soon, or risk scaring off our potential partner. We’re told to keep our cards close to our chest, to refrain from showing too much interest or investing too quickly.

But in a world where authenticity and vulnerability are prized, how do we reconcile this with the need to play it cool? It’s a constant battle between staying true to ourselves and conforming to societal expectations.

As I navigate the murky waters of modern dating, I grapple with these conflicting messages and struggle to find my footing. The dating game has become just that—a game, with winners and losers, rules and strategies.

But amidst the chaos and confusion, our true nature gets tweaked and squished, forced into a uniform that doesn’t fit to play a game that never results in what we’re really striving for.

I’m reminded of the importance of staying true to myself and my values. I refuse to play games or manipulate others to get what I want. Instead, I choose authenticity, honesty, and genuine connection, even if it means breaking the so-called rules of the game.

Ultimately, the true power of dating lies not in playing games or manipulating others but in embracing vulnerability, authenticity, and open communication. It’s about being true to ourselves and our desires, regardless of the rules imposed by society or the dating experts.

As we do this, we may find that the range of possible romantic partners shrinks – because we are not operating from a space of people-pleasing but from a desire for true connection.

I can’t help but be reminded of an encounter I had when I was young, highlighting the power of authenticity.

As I was spending time with friends, someone across the room smiled at me, gradually worked their way over to me, and asked for my name.

Trying to be cute and funny and lighten the mood, I responded, “You know, I heard once that if you say someone’s name 10 times, you’ll remember it. Miranda. Miranda. Miranda. Miranda. Miranda. Miranda. Miranda. Miranda. Miranda. Miranda.”

Instead of laughing and giving his name, he backed away and made a speedy exit.

I wasn’t cool or mysterious; instead, I showed up Miranda A.F., and it was instantaneously clear that the individual asking my name couldn’t hang.

If so, they would have responded by laughing, promising that they wouldn’t forget, and then telling me their name ten times.

So, as I continue this journey of love and connection, I’ll strive to navigate the power struggles of dating by showing up in full authenticity.

Always,

Your Trusted Friend ❤︎