I have placed my self worth, like a gift, into the hands of others assuming that if someone else found me desirable, lovable, admirable, and attractive then that must be true.
That stamp of approval by those outside of myself meant so much to me, and I chased that approval and enjoyed each for the temporal high it gave.
Until it flickered and died and I needed another affirmation that proved I wasn’t to be found lacking.
This approval came at a cost.
It cost me my own identity as I tried to morph into what I perceived others would find pleasing and desirable.
Additionally, it cost me time as I catered to those around me, doing whatever I could to make the lives of those around me run smoother, easier.
I did this until I got so lost in it that I had no other recourse but to find my way out.
Which required me to find myself and, additionally, to believe that who I found was worthy.
Anytime you place your sense self worth in anything external… a person, a place, or a thing… whatever that is has the power to destroy and reduce you to bits.
Someone’s attention shifts and it must be because something is wrong with you.
A job is lost because you must be lacking and insubstantial.
These are the consequences of placing worth in external sources.
When tides shift, you’re left adrift without something to latch onto.
You, my friend, are responsible for your sense of self worth, for feeling that you – as you are – are enough.
I say this not to create any sort of ‘out’ for not living up to your potential or adhering to your own moral code.
Being able to take accountability and stock of when you’re living up to your potential and doing what is necessary to ensure you’re taking care of your inner and outer landscape is vital.
So, take inventory of the things that are necessary for you to feel optimal.
This, I’ve learned, is so important in being kinder and more loving to myself. For I know when I am living in integrity and alignment with my higher good and purpose it’s easier to find my worth.
For me this looks like getting enough rest, moving my body daily, eating to fuel my body, engaging my mind, challenging myself creatively, finding time for friends, nature, and taking time for to be still and quiet.
I know that when I get away from these healthy habits my self talk will start to decline and the inner mean girl has more space to roam and external hiccups have more power over my sense of well-being.
So, I take care of myself. I nurture my body, mind, and soul with the same care that I would a child because I am worthy of that time, effort, and energy.
Next, I tackle the self doubt, insecurity, and negative self talk and I take great pains to send it on its merry way.
In this space I find and maintain my worthiness, so when things outside of me happen I don’t take responsibility for them or assume that things go wrong because of anything lacking within me.
Also, I’ve had to let go of any ownership of the self worth of those I care for.
I found myself thinking about self worth and my responsibility with my own sense of worth after a discussion with my partner.
After a vulnerable conversation I found myself wanting to inflate his ego and stroke his pride. He didn’t need me to do either of these things, he just needed me to listen and show compassion. My ‘fix-it’ mode needed to be halted and I had to remind myself that, just as my self worth is my responsibility, his self worth is his responsibility.
In relationship taking ownership of someone’s else’s self worth and putting your own in another’s hands creates a co-dependent relationship.
We’re striving for interdependence over here.
For relationships that within their comfort, stability, and security feel freeing.
Free to care for yourself and show up as you are in all the ways in which you are healed and healing.
Your Trusted Friend ❤︎