Face the Bear

Friend relationships are difficult.

They require work, whether picking up the phone to chat, planning and spending time together, or settling in to have the hard conversations…

…they require effort.

Additionally, we all have triggers, pasts, and ‘imperfections.’

The closer you get to someone, my friend, the more likely these things will reveal themselves.

When they do, will you have the conversations? Will you be willing to see someone for who they are and still say yes?

Will you be able and willing to stand with them and hold space for them?

Will you be able to allow these things, when they rise up, to run their course while you remain centered, focused, and confident?

And, what if – friend – you are?

You’re a full body yes, but is the person you’re with indecisive about whether or not they can stand with you?

What if the one you’re with, when your triggers, past, and imperfections rise up, is unable to stand and hold space for you?

What if, instead, they show you who they are by yelling, fighting, or running away instead of remaining centered, focused, and confident for you?

What then?

Friend, you choose you.

You love yourself how you want to be loved and let go.

You cannot force or coerce anyone to be ready to jump into the deep end of a relationship.

Real relationships require a scary amount of vulnerability, honesty, and transparency to both see and be seen completely, and it isn’t always pretty.

We carry with our scars, and while it’s no one else’s job to fix us – it is their job to choose us by holding space with us when the inevitable happens and we let the ugly bits loose.

Often, we are too scared to let people this close, going into freeze, flight, or fight, as our bodies are geared to protect us from the unknown.

When our brain senses the danger of vulnerability, possible hurt, and rejection, it triggers the same urges as when faced with a bear.

We need people who will face down the bear with us.

Who, when scared by vulnerability, will, instead of running from the ugly bits, sit down with us and create true intimacy and connection as we reveal all of who we are.

That’s the reward, and it has to be worth it for both of you.

If not, choose you because there is no relationship in which you can face the bear alone, and ALL of you deserve to be seen and chosen.

Always,

Your Trusted Friend ❤️