Don’t Start Now: Walking Away From Toxicity

If someone doesn’t know that they want you, walk away.

The empowering anthem “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa resonates deeply with those who have mustered the strength to walk away from toxic relationships. The lyrics capture the essence of newfound freedom and resilience after leaving behind a destructive relationship. As we strive towards self-discovery, however, the looming presence of toxic individuals can hinder our journey.

This song was my own anthem after finally leaving a terribly toxic relationship because I knew he’d return… just like the ghosts of Christmas past, I knew that he would reappear just as I found my security, safety, and comfort.

When you are sunshine people always want to stand in your warmth.

The Allure of the Past: Why Toxic People Return

Toxic individuals often return to the lives of their former partners for various psychological reasons. One prominent factor is the need for control. When someone decides to distance themselves, it threatens the toxic person’s sense of dominance and power. The prospect of losing control over the emotions and actions of their previous target can be unsettling for them. Research indicates that the need for control is a significant factor in this phenomenon (The Bases of Social Power).

Fear of Abandonment: A Driving Force for the Toxic Cycle

Abandonment issues are prevalent among individuals with toxic traits. The fear of being left alone or rejected drives them to seek validation from those they have hurt and is a key driver for the return of toxic individuals. Returning is a way to temporarily alleviate anxieties and insecurities. It’s crucial to recognize that this return is not motivated by genuine love or change but rather by a desperate attempt to avoid facing their own unresolved issues.

Narcissistic Supply: Craving Validation and Attention

Narcissistic individuals thrive on a constant supply of admiration and attention. A former partner’s return, seeking validation, echoed the patterns described in those people described in research on narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which highlights that the return is often fueled by the need for validation (DSM-5). When a former partner successfully moves on and builds a life without them, it becomes a blow to the narcissist’s ego. The return is fueled by a need for validation, as they seek reassurance that they still hold significance in the other person’s life. Understanding this dynamic is essential for those who have walked away, as it allows them to guard against falling back into the toxic cycle.

The Power of Boundaries: Protecting Your Sunshine

Recognizing the signs of a toxic return is the first step towards safeguarding one’s newfound happiness. My journey taught me that setting and maintaining firm boundaries is not just a concept from psychology studies, but a lifeline. Establishing and maintaining firm boundaries is crucial in preventing the toxic individual from disrupting the peace and security you’ve built. (What Can We Learn about Resilience). It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and resist the allure of a past that no longer serves your growth and happiness

As the echoes of “Don’t Start Now” linger, it is a powerful reminder to those who have bravely walked away from toxic relationships. Understanding the psychological motivations behind the return of toxic individuals empowers individuals to make informed decisions and fortify their emotional defenses. By prioritizing self-love, setting boundaries, and recognizing the true nature of these return attempts, individuals can bask in the warmth of their own sunshine without succumbing to the shadows of the past.

Always,

Your Trusted Friend ♥