Friend, up until recently I was unaware of the importance of boundary setting in my personal relationships.
I am sad to admit that I permitted people to treat me in ways in which I would not even admit to my closest of friends and family.
Fear kept me from using my voice, from speaking up and being clear about how I wanted to be treated. How I felt that I deserved to be treated.
I was afraid that if I used my voice that I would be rejected or abandoned. I was afraid that I would be perceived as needy or unsympathetic.
So, instead of using my voice. I made excuses.
She yelled at me because she’s having a bad day.
He cheated on me because he is insecure.
She didn’t show up because her life is so busy.
He lied to me because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.
These excuses MAY have merit. However, that doesn’t negate the fact that in each of these circumstances I was not treated in a way worthy of my time, effort, energy, emotions, or needs.
In each of these situations it was OKAY that I was NOT okay.
All these excuses did was place another person’s feelings above my own personal well-being.
Now I am refusing to put up with behavior that is disrespectful to me, and I have established my personal boundaries of what is and is not acceptable.
Speaking my boundaries serves to raise my personal value, additionally it demands that if others want to occupy space in my life they need to respect my time, emotions, and needs.
These are necessary things to establish. If I fail to establish these boundaries with others, how will they know how to treat me? How will others know how to care for and love me?
Furthermore, how can I truly experience a genuine, loving connections if I don’t allow myself to be loved in a manner I am worthy of?
The only way that this can happen, is if I speak my needs, wants, and desires into existence and voice when my personal boundaries have been crossed.
If someone hurts me, takes advantage of me, takes me for granted, is insensitive, rude, or fails to value me, it is my responsibility to speak up.
Space in my life is valuable, and if you want to occupy a portion of that space you better rise the f*ck up, because I no longer have time, energy, or f*cks to waste on takers, manipulators, or liars.
If showing you my boundaries freaks you out or makes you feel I am demanding or needy – there is the damn door.
Friend, for so long I have valued others in my life over myself. I own this error in my logic and am making conscious choices and decisions to make the changes necessary.
I, my friend, am drawing the damn boundaries and, you know what, it feels good. It feels good to see my worth and to speak my needs, wants, and desires to those around me.
We want to know how to meet the needs of those around us, therefore, we can assume that to those that we matter to, they ALSO want to know how to meet our needs.
How can they do this unless we speak.
So, let’s speak up. Let’s take care of ourselves.
Let’s love ourselves better, and demand a love worthy of us in return.
Your Trusted Friend ❤️