It’s Not Fine, But It’ll Be Okay

It’s not fine, but it’ll be okay.

There was something so reassuring and affirming about hearing those words.

Countless times throughout the day we are asked how we are and many of us respond automatically with those simple two words,

“I’m fine.”

Or, how many times have we been treated in ways that are the opposite of fine, but when asked what’s wrong instead of an honest exchange we say,

“It’s fine.”

How many times is this your response when you are not fine, or it’s not fine?

And why are we not allowed to claim it?

What prevents us from really sharing how we are?

What we’re thinking?

Or how we feel?

I’ll never forget when I drove through a coffee drive-up window and the barista, with a big smile, leaned out the window and asked me how I was doing and I didn’t say I was fine.

I couldn’t say that I was fine.

Instead, I cried.

Then I told the cherub-faced barista with a smattering of freckles across her nose that I’d just learned that my boyfriend of three years had cheated on me… from his daughter.

It just spilled out, and as it did I instantly said that I was sorry and covered my mouth with my hands… my eyes wide in terror.

“I’m so sorry,” I reiterated, “I’m fine.”

Without missing a beat, this girl responded to me, “It’s not fine, but it’ll be okay,” then refused my payment for my coffee and said some other pleasantries that I do not remember.

I do remember, however, the power of those words.

It’s not fine, but it’ll be okay.

There are times when we are not fine.

When we are sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, let down, anxious, or scared.

There are times when people will do things that cross our personal boundaries

that result in feeling unwanted, unappreciated, undervalued, or dismissed.

It doesn’t have to be fine. As soon as we allow ourselves to not be okay, we can work towards the healing that needs to take place in order for it to become okay.

I recently had an appointment canceled on me with no warning.

My first impulse was to take care of the other person and to ensure that he didn’t feel bad for letting me down.

It wasn’t fine that I wasn’t treated in a way that honored my time and energy, however, by honestly talking about that it could become okay.

Apologies and reparations could have been made, but only if I am honest in claiming when it isn’t fine.

It’s not fine, but it’ll be okay.

Always,

Your Trusted Friend ❤︎

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