When I visualize my heart I see it battered and bruised. The evidence of old wounds. There would be signs, also, of my attempt to protect it; an old broken stone wall forgotten, and a battered shield lying to waste.
Friend, I am stumped as to why we, as people, are so insecure and cautious around other human beings. We cradle our hearts and our minds, scared to let anyone too close, know too much, or see too far into us. As soon as we start to open up, our instincts tell us to cringe back — preparing to be struck. Afraid of the rejection we could, potentially, suffer.
Life is a constant journey of self discovery and growth. For this journey to be complete, unfortunately, it cannot be without pain and failure.
Whatever that special ability some girls have to be mysterious and elusive as they engage in conversation with men, I don’t have that. Instead I say men’s names 10 times, laugh too loud, and — probably — ask all the wrong questions.
You asked me today if you mattered, and, to be perfectly honest, I wanted to punch you in your damn face. You asked me if you made a difference, and I felt my body begin to shake. For, of all the things you’ve done, There is one thing that you have clearly won. And that…
We can allow ourselves to be put on layaway every time we accept the smaller payments, or the crumbs, with the hope that eventually there will be some sort of pay off for your patience, love, kindness and understanding.
Friend, you are so worthy of love, kindness, compassion, joy, and happiness. Until you remember this, I’ll remind you.