We want to be chosen. To have someone who loves us as we are, has seen the flaws and weaknesses, and wants us because these nuances are part of what make us beautiful, and wonderful and delightful. To truly have someone see all the parts that make us uniquely us. To take the time to peal back the layers and say yes.
Friend, have you ever sat and wondered why something didn't work, slipped from your grip, and got away? Perhaps a lover who left before you were ready to let go, or a job prospect that seemed an ideal fit, but went to another candidate? There could be numerous things that you question the why of,… Continue reading The One that Got Away
I'd distract myself with this feeling of being needed, thinking that it meant that I was valued, that I mattered. That my existence in the space of this individual's life was something spectacular and magical.
Friend, when we are heartbroken or disappointed, or in anyway feel damage emotionally, we move forward and will take any stride to protect against similar and further damage. This to me reminds me of when we suffer a physical injury, such as a broken arm. We take the time to heal to immobilize the bone so that the bone can heal.
If someone hurts me, takes advantage of me, takes me for granted, is insensitive, rude, or fails to value me, it is my responsibility to speak up. Space in my life is valuable, and if you want to occupy a portion of that space you better rise the f*ck up, because I no longer have time, energy, or f*cks to waste on takers, manipulators, or liars. If showing you my boundary freaks you out or makes you feel I am demanding or needy - there is the damn door.
Friend, this is the type of relationship we should strive for. One that can grow as we do. One that expands and evolves with us. One that never stops finding joy. One that encourages us along our evolution. One that gives us space grow as an individual. Someone who can be a home in which we will always feel safe, secure, and comfortable to be who we want to be. Who we are meant to be.
So, friend, if you ever find yourself in these dark moments - the ones you're not sure you can navigate through to the other side - please have faith in yourself and, even though you can't see it yet, the happiness that awaits you.
I sat across from a woman as she told me that she was hard to love. There were a litany of reasons, and she listed them all. She suffered from mood swings, was damaged and easily triggered, has 'issues', is crazy, overreacts and over-thinks, and is riddled by insecurities.
The dating power struggle... this is the struggle that occurs when one or the other person within the dating dynamic feels that they have to give up some of their power by doing a 'major first'. A major first - in essence - is an act that reveals the hand a person holds and exposes a little bit of the ol' heart, thus making one person in the due vulnerable. These firsts could take the guise of asking someone out, initiating the first kiss, saying the first I love you, or a multitude of things in between.
As I've tried so desperately to control the ideas others form of me in their minds based on the delicately crafted persona that I show to the world. Despite my best efforts to be vulnerable, genuine, authentic, and real - I still care what others think of me, as I want those thoughts to be positive and complementary.
