The "force" doesn't get to be sad. Not in public. The "force" gets to be angry, funny, or "unbothered." So Halley chose "unbothered." She was in the raw, hollowed-out aftermath of Kai, but she performed "fine" with terrifying skill. She screened Mira's calls, letting them go to voicemail, only to text back hours later: Just… Continue reading Halley: The Mirror
Author's Note Halley started as a mirror of my best friend, but she evolved into her own person. I think in some ways all three of these women I've written about are pieces of me. Mira represents my consciousness. My felt experience. The parts of me that I am aware of and actively healing. Mira's Story is the part of my identity that I identify with the most. Halley, she is my armor. She is outgoing with a bad picker that she uses to prevent getting hurt. Her 'force' and the 'performance' is the persona she deploys to keep the vulnerable, conscious self safe. And Paige. Paige is my shadow. She is the over analytical part that always needs a 'why' for everything. She's a perfectionist who tries to manage and control feelings by analyzing them. It's only been recently that I've become more aware of this shadow aspect of myself. So, while Halley, here, started as my best friend... she evolved into another part of me. A note on this chapter, "The Run": This is what Halley's armor looks like in action. It's the 'force' and 'performance' at its loudest, most desperate. It's her 'bad picker' pattern not as a flaw, but as a function. After being 'seen' by someone 'steady' (Theo), her entire system registers threat. The 'Halley' armor deploys to protect the vulnerable 'Mira' consciousness. 'The Run' is a pre-emptive strike—a flight away from the terrifying vulnerability of a 'foundation' and a dive into the familiar, 'shiny' chaos of a 'disco ball.' It’s a hollow, neon-lit performance to prove she's still 'free.' This is the part of the story where the armor 'works'… and in doing so, fails her completely.
There are seasons when life removes the illusion of control, when the scaffolding that holds your sense of safety simply disappears. You think you’re doing well, managing everything, staying grounded… until something shifts beneath you and your nervous system tells the truth your mind won’t say out loud. Recently my foundation disappeared. My home, the… Continue reading When the Ground Gives Way
Sometimes we meet someone and feel a flicker of something we can't name.Not love, not friendship—yet—but recognition. A resonance that stirs the air between us. A pull that says, “Pay attention.” These early moments, where we feel a connection but don’t yet understand the why, are potent.They hold the power to awaken us. Not because… Continue reading When the Soul Remembers Before the Mind Understands
Unexpected encounters often serve as our greatest teachers, offering lessons that shape our understanding of self and others. Recently, a reconnection with a man from my past has left me contemplating the subtle nuances of communication, timing, self-awareness, and compatibility. As a dear friend wisely put it, every encounter is medicinal, and I find myself… Continue reading The Medicine of Unexpected Encounters
Emotions, like unpredictable waves, can engulf us, elevating us to highs of joy or dragging us into depths of despair. As we journey through these emotional seas, we discover our resilience and the profound role of being a guiding light for others. Explore the ebb and flow of our inner emotional landscapes.
Photo by Christopher Windus on Unsplash Of the 95% of people who believe that they are self-aware, only 10% of people actually are. On my own journey of wellness, introspection, and self-awareness I remember hearing this quote by Tasha Eurich in a TED talk. Her findings came down to one very important distinction between those who really were… Continue reading The Mind Trap
