We, friend, have a responsibility to teach people what is and is not acceptable. We have a responsibility take care of ourselves first. It is okay for us to have wants and needs, and for us to express these things out loud. It all comes down to what we believe we are worthy of, and what we choose to allow or permit.
I'd distract myself with this feeling of being needed, thinking that it meant that I was valued, that I mattered. That my existence in the space of this individual's life was something spectacular and magical.
It is so easy to get lost in comfort. To let the ease of a person, situation, or place lure us into a false sense of security and distract us from what it is we really want, where it is we are really going.
Who. Are. You? I punctuate this with intentionality, hoping you'll hear each stressed syllable and note each pause between words as if I was speaking aloud to you, with the wish that you understand the sincerity and seriousness behind my query. What would you say to define yourself?
Friend, when we are heartbroken or disappointed, or in anyway feel damage emotionally, we move forward and will take any stride to protect against similar and further damage. This to me reminds me of when we suffer a physical injury, such as a broken arm. We take the time to heal to immobilize the bone so that the bone can heal.
If someone hurts me, takes advantage of me, takes me for granted, is insensitive, rude, or fails to value me, it is my responsibility to speak up. Space in my life is valuable, and if you want to occupy a portion of that space you better rise the f*ck up, because I no longer have time, energy, or f*cks to waste on takers, manipulators, or liars. If showing you my boundary freaks you out or makes you feel I am demanding or needy - there is the damn door.
So, friend, if you ever find yourself in these dark moments - the ones you're not sure you can navigate through to the other side - please have faith in yourself and, even though you can't see it yet, the happiness that awaits you.
Don't wait to feel loved, desired, or wanted. Because before you know it, time will have gone by and all you'll have done is waited for someone who was never worth this wait, and now that time is wasted and squandered on someone undeserving.
I sat across from a woman as she told me that she was hard to love. There were a litany of reasons, and she listed them all. She suffered from mood swings, was damaged and easily triggered, has 'issues', is crazy, overreacts and over-thinks, and is riddled by insecurities.
The dating power struggle... this is the struggle that occurs when one or the other person within the dating dynamic feels that they have to give up some of their power by doing a 'major first'. A major first - in essence - is an act that reveals the hand a person holds and exposes a little bit of the ol' heart, thus making one person in the due vulnerable. These firsts could take the guise of asking someone out, initiating the first kiss, saying the first I love you, or a multitude of things in between.
